If you feel like it, take a moment and walk through a bookstore, scroll through some podcasts, or just check out the entrepreneurial community online a bit, and you will blatantly see that the self-help community appears to be running rampant. It is as though humankind has a desire to improve itself in life consistently. I find this expectation and culture a bit odd and attractive all at the same time. Self-help and self-improvement are ideas I enjoy and the people that come with them I appreciate as well.
Dear 20-year-old punk I wish someone had told me these 6 things.
Recently I was having an in-depth discussion with my colleagues about how I wish when I was in my late teens and early twenties someone would have sat me down and told me to the amount life can and will suck. I wish they had told me my heart would be broken, depression will most likely try to creep in, and money is something I will probably always be concerned about. Alas, I was not informed of the negatives in life.
Embracing the silence.
The most deafening noise this world seems it cannot handle is silence. I do have to admit though growing up and still to this day I have had a certain hatred for misplaced noise. I am more inclined to be introverted so silence may be more of my friend than others, but at the end of the day, I believe embracing silence is essential for all of humanity.
Masculinity and the art of self-belief.
The journey of life is intense, and as a man, if I did not believe in myself when necessary I am unsure of where my life would be. After years and years of self-doubt, I have finally started to make moves in my personal and professional life that is enthralling. Self-belief has seemed to be a major player in me taking significant steps in the directions needed in my life.
Masculinity and the subconscious mind.
I cannot speak for every man on the face of the earth, but I am fairly confident in saying that allot of men's insecurities, fears, and struggles come from one's inner world. The internal demons every man has to face show externally if he has taken the time to conquer them or not. I like to call it facing your shadows.
Step by step is what masculinity is all about.
I would categorize myself as an all or nothing kind of guy in a lot of arenas of life. This has been a blessing and a curse it seems. When I am done with a conversation sometimes, I just walk away disregarding social norm, or when I want to build something, I work with persistence until it is done.
Stereotypes and Misconceptions: Reclaiming the Virtues of Masculinity in the 21st Century
“The man who practices unselfishness, who is genuinely interested in the welfare of others, who feels it a privilege to have the power to do a fellow creature a kindness – even though polished manners and a gracious presence may be absent – will be elevating influence wherever he goes” - Orison Swett Marden
The struggle of life and masculinity.
I have always found conversations around what culture is vs. what it could/should be incredibly exciting. I am thankful for the ability to contribute to the conversation that Tim has started, (grateful if you’ve read this far!) and would greatly appreciate your thoughts or comments on the matter. Even if you disagree, please leave any questions or thoughts you have in the comments below! What kind of person do you want to be? Now onto the good stuff.
Masculinity and art of being present.
Pain is a thorn in my side. Nothing makes me want to run away from life more than being in emotional pain. Yet, I have and continue to learn that being present in life is the essence of healthy masculinity. As a man in my late twenties, I have been inundated with options that will pull me away or distract me from being present and aware in the life I have been blessed with living.
Masculinity and facing the unknown.
Yet again there I was with another massive construction project set before me that was beyond my depth of knowledge. Saying I felt a sense of incompetence would be an understatement. My insecurities and fears had fully matured and were ready to reproduce themselves like cancer in my blood. This was yet another challenge against my self-confidence and masculinity. Would I become overwhelmed and shut down? Or would I allow myself to put in the hard work and learn that which I did not know? Fortunately, this time around I permitted myself some grace and was able to break the process down into small tangible steps and efficiently work through and complete what was assigned to me. What I have been learning is that the unknown is very close to a toothless lion. Yes, there could be some potential physical danger but my fear is more so what controls me than the actual tangible threat. There is no bite, just roar.
Why I am sick and tired of men fucking shit up.
There I was sitting in another restaurant indulging myself with some overpriced frozen food warmed by another college kid in the kitchen of yet another big box franchise I despise. My employment had taken me up to the land of central Michigan. I was imprisoned with co-workers and more time to think than even an introvert knows how to handle. Something happened on this trip that I did not anticipate, though, nor did I know how to respond. My co-workers and I were sitting at a bartop table getting food at this cliche franchise before our night shift was initiated, and then something so subtle yet painfully real happened as I was innocently consuming another generic cheese covered burger.
Should men stay motivated?
Fear is knocking at the door of my heart. A pulse of insecurity shoots through my mind. The war is on. The battle is full tilt. I am fighting for my life, dreams, and ambitions. Will I put up a fight or go into the captivity of complacency, fear, and timidity?
Why I wish good friendship upon every man.
I would not be who I am today without the friends that surround me. Yes, my family has been important as well, but emotional richness, strength, and the real vitality friendship has brought me seems never to lack the attribute of surprise.
Masculinity and facing innate fears.
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' Eleanor Roosevelt
3 Reasons why men need to stop trying to please everyone.
There I was a mere eight or nine-year-old rascal of a boy playing with my friends in the backyard by a traditional wood swingset that accrued many hours of our lives. I cannot remember the particular time or cause, but I have this memory that has plagued me for years. As we the posse of local neighborhood kids were playing around in the backyard doing God knows what as entertainment I had a life altering experience. I had done something to make one of the other kids to cry and then tearfully inform me that I was very bossy and this was a negative thing. This memory has not left me. It refuses to be divorced or purged from my life, and I have continuously wondered why and think I am starting to finally find the reason. This recollection has consistently been a reminder to me over the years that I should not be myself because my personality is painful to others, and I should do my best to please those around me by changing.
Confidence and Self-awareness. What are men looking for?
"Over a year ago I managed to lose approx 50lbs and ended up getting in the best shape of my life. It was right after a book worthy divorce which murdered my appetite and ability to sleep, but that's another ball of wax. As I've spent three to four days a week in the gym, I've been noticing a lot about men. We're ridiculous. It's ironic that most guys are visually oriented, so we're constantly looking at ourselves in the mirror (yes me too) which allows us to witness genuine progress. It's weird to me, guys with the biggest biceps or upper body get the most respect or are the most intimidating to others. Women assimilate those big arms and chest to a man who is strong. Maybe she'll feel protected or safer with him. Maybe she wants to be next to something substantially bigger than her, or maybe it's all a bunch of insecure crap. Now I'm not the big guy nor will I ever be as a measly 5'10" weighing in at 190lbs. I'm happy with myself. It's funny, my trainer (an Olympic track coach, so leg day is no fun) told me once, "Ya know, most these guys train only the stuff you see not their legs, hips, lower back, and core. This is the stuff that creates insane real strength in a man I assure you. A man with strong hips, legs and core is to be feared." Then he showed me why and I get it...
When hope became my enemy.
As a teenager and young child, I never thought clinging to hope would hurt me so viciously. I hoped to be a successful business man, I hoped to find young love, I hoped to find validation, I hoped to be confident, and the list just keeps going and going. I would consider myself a hopeful person and I am starting not to like this attribute of myself.
7 Reasons Why Real Men Don't Complain.
I am not sure about you but the people who complain about life, circumstances, or just anything, in general, they come across as helpless little children who need to leech from the strength of more stable individuals in society. I thought this topic might be a bit appropriate to discuss due to the political climate that we are immersed in, in this day and age. I believe it is important to be conscious of words and take each day with a sense of intention rather than passively letting life roll by. Below are a few reasons I feel necessary for men to think about before they commit the childish act of complaining. I hope to reduce this reaction in my life, and I hope you do as well.
Do men need to stop running away from life?
Throughout my journey of searching for what it means to be a man, I have observed a common thread or attribute that seems to be admired and essential to the masculine self. It appears to be facing and surviving the adversity that life brings to the table. William Shakespeare put it elegantly "Let me embrace thee, sour adversity, for wise men say it is the wisest course." How accurate this quote seems to be. When I think about the great men of history, I do not recollect people who had lives full of fluff and comfort. No, the men I respect, admire, and wish I could have their counsel are men who have faced great adversity and overcome it. From your classic Abraham Lincon to the less well known Jedediah Smith these are men whom I perceive as masculine because of the adversity they faced and how they persisted and overcame it.
Masculinity and overcoming the perfect storm.
The perfect storm was about to unravel, and I was as clueless as a young boy who is about to pee on an electric fence for the first time. Life hit hard, and I could not believe how well I responded. I was starting a large job I had been orchestrating for a few weeks in Philadelphia. I flew two of my co-workers and myself from Kansas City Missouri with our tools to knock out the job and make some money for our employer and ourselves. I arrived on the job site, and everything started to deteriorate like a sand castle getting hit by the tide coming in on a beach. When I entered the building and began to get settled in, the realization that a large majority of the information I had been given was incorrect. Mis-information is a significant deal when you plan a job from across the country and create a budget, schedule, and plan to meet deadlines. This situation had gone from building a paper airplane for a child to constructing the next model airplane to be shown in the front entry of an art gallery. The stark contrast of the scope of work was an instant challenge to my emotional well being as I often struggle when my expectations are messed with. It is a challenge to manage a job if you don't know what the scope of work is. Unexpectedly from myself, though, a beautifully swift response from my inner constitution was delivered, and I was able to mitigate my inner world and make a choice to go with the flow and know that I will conquer this even though I just wanted to shrivel up and go back home. The first punch had hit but didn't knock me down. Then the second blow came flying in, two out of three of the crew got the flu for a couple of nights. Then the third strike came in without compassion, I was not going to hit the desired deadline.