Life will never be fair. 

The start.

I honestly feel a bit like an old grumpy man writing this, even though I am in my early thirties it has become extremely apparent to me that there is this mystical belief ingrained in western societies that everything we desire should be handed to us on a silver platter and when things don’t work out exactly how we want, then the best resort is to become a victim and not look deeply into the fact that our lives literally mean nothing to this world and we are entitled nothing. 

Now, you might have read that and found it quite depressing or nihilistic. I can understand if that was your initial reaction, but please continue to read. The reason why I am writing about this is it’s a truth I found a lot of freedom in years ago and wanted to share with others in hopes that they might experience the same freedom I found.

It was odd for me, learning that my life will soon be forgotten, the world we live in could care less about me, and outside of my loved ones, there will be very few who know or care about me. Leaning into this thought process felt dark and scary initially, but to be honest it was extremely freeing and empowering. The reason being that for a good portion of my life, the protestant Christian surroundings and culture I lived in, immersed me in the exact opposite belief for many years. The belief that my life was special and I will do great things actually was a weight on my mental shoulders and was not a place of solace for me. The turning point was learning that my life was similar to the value of a grain of sand laying on a beach, this completely obliterated the special entitlement I felt “God” and this world owed me. 

Observing that in the macro perspective of humanity and nature itself, my life is a small meaningless fragment empowered me to shed off the external expectations from my culture and belief structures that said quite the opposite. Think about this, how many humans throughout the whole span of human existence have thought they were special and were going to have a great impact on the earth? And even the humans who did leave a significant positive or negative impact may not even be credited appropriately for their accomplishments. Yet, I digress - I will leave you to your own thoughts on this aspect.

The middle.

I want to jump into what this has to do with life never being fair. 

I find that accepting our lives as equal to a grain of sand on the beach foundationally helps us accept that we are literally entitled to absolutely nothing. One human might be born with a higher economic or social status and yet life will treat them the same as those born in a much harsher environment. Coming to terms with the innate insignificant nature of our lives and embracing this is actually a jump start into absolute ownership of our lives and the decisions we make. After accepting this, it’s common to find that the expectation of others to intervene or give a helping hand seems humorous, not that it can’t happen, but the expectation itself is funny. 

An experience that drove this topic home for me more than anticipated was when I had a traumatic brain injury a few years back. I wrote about this experience more in-depth here if you want to read more. 

Let’s dig into the core of expecting life to be fair to us. It can be boiled down to entitlement. The desire for fairness from the universe is oddly mind-boggling. Like, what on the face of the earth has innately influenced a majority of humans to think that they uniquely carry the entitlement for life to be fair to them. Like, why was I shocked when I learned that my life was lacking significant meaning? Nature is an unbiased force. It will strike at random and does not see reasons to lessen its negative impact on a human's life. We are just a number.

At this point, the entitlement of wanting life to give its random favor to us is similar to expecting to win every single time we went out to buy a lottery ticket. Life on this earth is about survival and making the conscious effort to build the life we want for ourselves not waiting around for everything to be handed to us. 

The risk about this is if we choose to accept that we are responsible for our lives and the outcomes, then when we are old and wrinkled, if things are not how we want them to be, there is no one else to blame but ourselves. I think this may be why so many stray away from this thought process. It is scary and feels dangerous to accept the fact that we might make bad decisions that will impact the whole trajectory of our lives. At the same time, though, you and I are capable of making gloriously amazing decisions that could have a positive impact long-term that we can also take credit for. This is the risk of not believing we are entitled; there is no one else to blame for the bad outcomes in life.

Where do we go from here? Let’s get into that. 

The end.

I want to end this whole conversation around why this is a freeing and empowering thought process to embrace. So, let’s first go over a list of benefits of this. 

• No longer waiting around for the intervention of a deity to make our lives better. 

  • Those ingrained in monotheistic religions may have a hard time with this.

• No longer sitting back wondering why life is not what we want it to be. 

  • If you are a lazy person this will not solve that. 

• There is freedom in knowing we are the ones in control of our lives. 

  • This can be hard for those though who have other humans who push their agenda and expectations on them. Like parents, spouses, or friends. We need to take responsibility for our side in relationships but also there are times when the negative impact of others on our lives can be avoided. So, in these situations make sure the stance of the victim is not taken.

• Overall it is taking full ownership of our own lives that seems to be the richest outcome of this whole thought process to me. 

I am going to list a few drawbacks of taking this position in life just as a bit of a warning label for you and for myself to reflect upon my own life. 

• There is an opportunity to constantly second guess myself. 

• I have to choose between being angry at myself and accepting myself for decisions I have made that were not great. It has been teaching me over the years that I need to let go of the past which I cannot change and simply learn from my mistakes. 

• Leaving a religious mindset can be difficult and is not for everyone.

• I’ve had to navigate the fact that my life is insignificant then why even try at all. I won't write in-depth about this but it is definitely something that needs to be addressed on this journey. 

• This taught me life rarely pans out how I want it to. 

After reading this blurb from my brain, I am curious to know what has been transmitted to you through this text and what thoughts or skepticisms might be stirring around in your brain. I hope you take the time to comment or reach out to me and let me know your thoughts. Regardless of whether you agree or disagree with me, my absolute goal is to encourage you to analytically think about your own life and to be encouraged to pursue your dreams. 

Cheers,

Timothy