It was just another weekday night. My family had just sat down to eat dinner together, and all was well. The salt and pepper were passed around with melodic precision. Conversations were explored, and I could carve another notch in my belt for a successful family dinner. My father was the primary financial provider for us, and my mother stayed at home keeping the house in order and lovingly addressing my siblings and I's daily needs and struggles. When my father got home from work, we would all gather around the standard dining room table and eat the nutritious meal my mother had created with her skilled Minnesotan abilities. Casseroles and hearty meals were what the menu consisted of to say the least. Even though my family was never financially plentiful, my mother always figured out ways to feed us well. It was a regular occasion for all of us to sit around the dinner table every evening and converse over how our day was. The thing for me is that I do not remember any particular event or outbreak of insanity that negatively scarred me from this tradition. Rather in recent times as I have begun to reflect on my person and why I do what I do, I realized that being the youngest of four siblings I have always craved attention. Whether it is emotional or not, I wanted and still want people to acknowledge my existence and uniqueness. In thinking about those longings, I was drawn back to the dinner table where I felt so small and insignificant, where being the youngest attention rarely seemed in my direction.

Boy standing under street light holding a leash to a dog.

I have been working on this project "The Man Effect" for a decent amount of time now, and it has been a long, painful journey if I'm honest. I did not realize how much I would discover about myself on this adventure. My emotions have been one of the biggest things I have been learning about through this time. Since I started to write articles I have been attempting to craft things that are what I consider substantial and authentic. In that process, I have found myself wanting to prostitute my emotions for attention and affirmation. Writing has made me realize I feel affirmed by this momentary attention of likes, comments, and shares; through self-observation I found my motives were slightly askew. I was suddenly back at the dinner table with my family trying to find ways to be noticed, affirmed, and loved. No longer was food being served; rather it was the table of social media and the internet which I was sitting beside, sharing my articles to make me sound intelligent and profound so that my need to know I exist in this world would be fulfilled. I found myself trading my emotional state for affirmation and recognition. There I was sharing things with the world that I am not sure I would even share with a close friend.

This epiphany inspired me to think deeply and be reflective. Why would I trade the struggles of my heart for momentary affirmation? I just wanted to be someone who took action, rather than sitting around speculating about all the ideas I have. Is this what I received in return for being pro-active and pursuing my passions? I find that the journey to attain the dreams I have is strenuous yet positively essential. I am starting to believe that even though my motives may not have been what I thought, the fact that I am going to continue moving forward is positive. Can I not expose my heart and emotions in a balanced way? What does that look like?

The next thing that transpired after these thoughts is the realization that it's a standard practice in many ways. In today's day and age of social media, we are starting to have to take such extreme measures to be recognized and heard. I honestly am disgusted with most of the content on the realm of social media. Maybe that is because I have taken a small part in it. Regardless, it is my observation that in the name of authenticity people(myself included) are trading and exposing parts of their heart to the world in order to feel affirmed and acknowledged. It seems we are selling the commodity of our emotions for momentary attention. That which used to be revealed in the depths of family, friends, and intimate relationships; is now exposed to the whole world to judge and use just for a small amount of affirmation and attention.

I was talking to a friend about this topic. He brought to my attention the willingness of many people to emotionally divulge information about themselves just to have a moment of significance. Have you ever been talking with someone who just vomits struggles they are going through that seem so far out of the relationship context that you have with them? What is emotional prostitution? Does it exist or am I just making this up?

At the end of the day, this is what I am learning. I can be vulnerable and authentic without prostituting my emotions. Honestly, I am unsure if this whole article even makes fluid sense. I just really wanted to get this basic concept in writing. I have been thinking about this for a while.

What are your thoughts after reading my thoughts?

Cheers,

Timothy

Featured Artilces

man holding flowers behind back for woman

4 Common Relationship Issues and How to Address Them

Thoughts around why life will never be fair to you.

I honestly feel a bit like an old grumpy man writing this, even though I am in my early thirties it has become extremely apparent to me that there is this mystical belief ingrained in western societies that everything we desire should be handed to us on a silver platter and when things don’t work out exactly how we want, then the best resort is to become a victim and not look deeply into the fact that our lives literally mean nothing to this world and we are entitled nothing.

man sitting on a bench looking to his left holding his phone and having headphones in

Men should manage their time better and here are 3 reasons why.

As much as it may seem out of the traditional scope of what being a man is, there is nothing I find more valuable than being neat and tidy about my time. Personally and professionally, I attribute nearly all of my abilities to show up as a man to my discipline within my calendar. And so, this is why I wanted to share with you that us men should always strive to manage our time better, and why.

a young boy standing in a field looking at a camera while the sun is setting in the background.

Is Masculinity Part of Male Identity?

If you were to ask a couple of men to give you their own definition of masculinity, what are the odds that you’ll end up with the same answer? You’re guessing right: a good, round zero. Neither you nor anyone else will ever be taught at school, or in a manual, what masculinity precisely means, and that is for a good reason. Because we can be a man in so many different ways, each one of us has to come up with his own definition, see if it holds any value, and these types of variables are exactly what started me on my journey.

a picture of a mountain touching the sky with fluffy white clouds.

Thoughts and reflections upon the topic of perseverance.

This is and has been a fascinating month for me personally and one I will look back upon in the future with a smile and a warm heart.

You see, for years I have worked on, spent countless hours, had endless conversations, and wondered why I continue devoting myself to The Man Effect. In this pursuit I have desired to encourage others, find answers for myself, and just be a man who is passionate about life.

in with a dark hoodie chilling on a bench contemplating life and looking out into the distance

12 Questions And Answers About Living Through Hard Times

During these very unique times of life, hardship for many humans is being created due to the pandemic. I felt it would be an appropriate time to ask for the wisdom of men whom I respect to answer questions around how to handle hardship and difficult times.

The way it is formatted is I will introduce each man who has answered the questions and you will also see ways to find out more about them as well.

I hope you find encouragement, wisdom, and hope in the answers written to these questions.

Thoughts and discussion around self-forgiveness.

Have you ever asked yourself, “How do I forgive myself?” It is a difficult and amazing question all at the same time. Recently, after one of the darkest years of my life, I have started to ask myself this question a lot and I am amazed by the amount of impact it has had on me.

masculine warrior holding a dead man sculpture

What is masculinity? That's a question every man should be asking himself.

The Start

What is masculinity? This question is a core reason why I started this blog and photography project here at The Man Effect. I have been pursuing and exploring this question for years. I love it and the ramifications on my life it has had.

Masculinity, manliness, and the nature of men are not only something that I believe every human should take the time to ponder on. As humans, it is also something we should conceptualize and analyze the belief of how men exist and represent themselves in immediate and extended communities.

Moving forward, I think it would be appropriate to build some foundation of a definition before we proceed with the importance and impact this question can and does have on our lives if we are open to going down this path.

man walking on a beach thinking about masculinity

15 Questions and Answers About Masculinity

Questioning what it means to be a man is something that I would consider to be a foundation to this website. So, in honor of that, I decided to compile 15 questions about masculinity that I have seen and heard asked often.

Now, before we jump into these questions, I would like to explain how the answers were created. I chose to ask four men who I respect to take time and share their wisdom. The next thing I will do is introduce them so you know a bit about the men behind these words.

Lessons I've learned from a traumatic brain injury and why discomfort in life is so important.

I am writing this article for two predominant reasons. One, so I can have a tangible point of reference when I reflect upon this season of life I have been through. Two, the possibility that the lessons I have learned may inspire one person to not give up on life as struggles confront them.

“Believe in yourself, take on your challenges, dig deep within yourself to conquer fears. Never let anyone bring you down. You got to keep going. “ ~ Chantal Sutherland