For years and years I did not believe it was possible to define masculinity, but in the past months my perspective has changed, and I decided I would take the time to write down what my definition of masculinity currently is.
Now, before we proceed, I do want you to acknowledge with me that much of what a culture deems masculine is highly dependent upon the time period and the society that influences the people defining masculinity.
That being said out of the hundreds of conversations, books, podcasts, videos, and my own observations, I have spotted a pattern that I believe brings substantial merit to the discussion about masculinity.
There are two primary attributes that I believe define masculinity. Now I know that is a bold statement and I am open to being incorrect, but I feel that these two words are what men have desired for hundreds if not thousands of years.
Respect & Honor.
You might be asking yourself how I can believe that all of what societies deem as masculine to fit under these two terms?
Well... keep reading, and you will find out.
Here is the current hypothesis I hold too. You see, as the years have unfolded and I have observed and collected information on this topic I find that most of what people associate with masculine traits produce respect and honor for the person acting in this male role.
Example:
"A man who displays a sense of physical strength, bravery, and risk by rushing into a house that is burning down to save someone in peril will be the embodiment of a manly hero. These traits that he is acting on which society deems masculine are producing a sense of respect and honor for him in his immediate community. "
So in that example, the things society focuses on as masculine when this individual takes action upon them, they are producing something in the communal atmosphere that attracts respect and honor to the man fulfilling those masculine attributes.
When I started to observe this hypothesis, I began to wonder if this would translate to other cultures and time periods?
Why not! Let's give it a shot in another time period...
Example:
"From what I have read the Samurai rose to power around the 12th century and did so until the mid-1800's. Now I am no history buff so you should probably fact check me, but my understanding is this.
The Samurai lived by a strict code called bushido–or “the way of the warrior.” This way of living that was followed by the Samurai was essentially an outline showing to society what they would deem as honorable. So, if you wanted to be respected and honored by that society, they gave you a simple yet strict outline to do so.
The bushidō code is represented by these eight virtues:(Source)
1} Righteousness (義 gi)
2} Heroic Courage (勇 yū)
3} Benevolence, Compassion (仁 jin)
4} Respect (礼 rei)
5} Integrity (誠makoto)
6} Honour (名誉meiyo)
7} Duty and Loyalty (忠義 chūgi)
8} Character & Self-Control (自制jisei)
Now, if you are able to embody these virtues, you would gain the respect and honor of the men and women in that society. It was as though this was the outline of what a masculine man in those periods should be."
I would encourage you to do some more research on this, but I hope my point is coming across.
You see, it seems as though the fluidity of time and culture may change the avenues by which you earn respect and honor, but these are still the desired attributes of multi-generational and cultural demands.
The reason I am working hard to try and highlight this for you is that I have yet to find a better definition than this for what it means to be a man.
In my own words, I would say this is masculinities definition.
"To embody the fullness of masculinity in various cultures and time periods, what you must desire and seek to do is have your actions, decisions, and the life you live perpetuate and increase the amount of respect and honor attached to your social identity."
This explanation makes me think of many of the people I have interviewed for the photography side of my project The Man Effect(Click Here To See). Many, many of the participants when stating what word they would choose to describe what it means to be a man would first find someone in their mind that epitomized masculinity to them. This being their father, grandfather, uncle, mom, or another adult figure was the person they respected most as their masculine role. After locating this figure, they would then try and boil down an attribute that stuck out to them most about this person.
When I started to realize this pattern, that is when my mind began to put this all together. This has changed my life, and the way I want to communicate to other men is entirely altered. I just used to ask questions and observe. Now I have an opinion, and I am ready to share it.
So, men, if you want to be authentic, healthy men, you will take some time and seriously devote time to take action. I am not saying you have not already done this. Life is a continuous work in progress, but taking the time and devoting it to the next few points I point out I know you will be impacted.
Create, develop and pursue the following.
{A vision for your life.} If you do not know what you are doing with your life, you will never have the ability to take action, justify sacrifice, and have a goal to attain. Vision is important. This is not something that just appears overnight either. Developing a vision is like growing a tree, it starts small, and begins to grow, it needs nutrients, and sometimes it goes in directions thought impossible.
{Personal values.} Without values how do you make a judgment call in a hard situation? Are you a man of integrity or of your word? Is that something you want? Have you ever thought about that? It is important to give time to develop what you hold too under challenging moments and the more thought you put into your values, the more apparent it will be in future situations that you should stick to them.
{Openness to learn.} To be open to learning is being open to saying "I don't know." Having this ability opens many doors that insecure pride would shut. It is essential as a respectable man to have the self-respect and security to be able to say when you do not know something. When this skill is developed you are able to learn and grow from what life has to teach you. This is detrimental.
"Develop a passion for learning. If you do, you will never cease to grow." Anthony J. D'Angelo
{Be present.} Embrace the life you are living right now. Do not let your past define you, nor be stuck in what the future potentially holds. Having the ability to take a breath, engage in conversation, and just exist in the now is a powerful, necessary thing.
There are many father figures and leaders who are distracted by past and future thoughts. This stops them from being present with their loved ones and appreciating the small things. If you develop the skill to be able to sit on the ground with a child and not worry about finances, work, or polotics for example this will be a sign that you have learned to be in the present.
"We should not fret for what is past, nor should we be anxious about the future; men of discernment deal only with the present moment". Chanakya
I do not doubt that if you were to pursue these simple goals your life would attract respect and honor through your actions and lifestyle. This, in turn, would make others deem you a masculine individual but the interesting this is on your journey to become more masculine you will find yourself no longer concerned with what others think. You will be more self-confident and re-assured that what your doing is right.
I hope you are up to the challenge and pursue these things. I hope you seek out and become a respectable and honrable man.
Cheers to the journey.
Timothy
