I have this memory from the 1st grad like it was just yesterday. It had recently become popular among my classmates for some odd reason to pull the chair out from under someone as they were trying to sit down, therefore making them plummet to the ground and making a fool of them. I had decided to join in on this fad and instantly got reprimanded by my teacher due to a crying classmate and poor execution of the prank. I will never forget my response to the teacher though. As any good child brought up in the conservative household, I replied to this verbal attack with "The devil made me do it." For some reason, in my head, I believed that if I blamed it on the devil, this would make it, so I was not responsible for my actions. Nothing transpired after getting reprimanded by my teacher other than me having to apologize to my victim, and a fragment of my past is ingrained eternally into my memory.

Chain fence with the highway in the background.

Here is the thing, though, as ridiculous and evident as it was that I solely was the perpetrator and entirely responsible for my actions even at seven years old I was already trying to run away from taking ownership of my decisions. It is now apparent to me that I didn't want the responsibility for the effects of my choices even at a young age.

How often in life do we blame "the devil" for our actions? Trying to find some mythical scapegoat, so we do not have to take ownership for our lives. Excuses like "My friends forced me to drink until I was intoxicated." "My parents made me go to college." "My boss made me do an illegal transaction." "The food I ate is what is making me fat." The list of victimhood bullshit is endless in our society.

In today's day and age, everyone is a victim. Whether it is we are all poor because the rich make it impossible for anyone to make any money, or blame the car accident on the other person because they made you hit them. The victimhood I have observed, experienced, and endured seems to be endless, and I CALL BULLSHIT. It is the time that men start fucking pulling up their goddamn bootstraps and takes ownership for where their lives are. Yes, life sucks and there are outside forces that influence our lives, but at the end of the day, WE are the ones who are responsible for OUR actions and lives. How you respond to hardship, success, and failure. You are responsible for where you are at today. You and I are responsible for where our lives are at in this very moment. No excuses.

When I was a foreman for an electrical contracting company, there was nothing I hated more than finding the projects I was running being installed incorrectly. Then having to track down the electrician and confront them about what they had done wrong. Instantly it was always someone else's fault. Rarely if ever did I hear "I am sorry I take responsibility for that." It was still someone else's fault. Grown ass men would complain and gripe about the job they fucking chose to go to every day. Then they would avoid taking responsibility for the job they had incorrectly done. Of course, all the technicians were not this way, but I was often baffled by their decisions.

Now the chances that you and I want to blame other people for where we are at in life is highly probable and likely. So don't feel shame or guilt about it. That will do nothing for you. What you and I can do though is every day make the decision to take ownership for our choices and actions and where they have brought us to today.

Do you hate your job? Do something about it.
Is your bank account empty? Do something about it.
Are you single and hate it? Do something about it.

Speak this out loud.
"I am responsible for my life."
Keep saying that out loud over and over as the weeks unfold until you believe it.
Even if you do believe it already it is empowering and motivating to know you are the sole initiator and executor for your life.

Cheers,

Timothy

Featured Articles

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I honestly feel a bit like an old grumpy man writing this, even though I am in my early thirties it has become extremely apparent to me that there is this mystical belief ingrained in western societies that everything we desire should be handed to us on a silver platter and when things don’t work out exactly how we want, then the best resort is to become a victim and not look deeply into the fact that our lives literally mean nothing to this world and we are entitled nothing.

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Men should manage their time better and here are 3 reasons why.

As much as it may seem out of the traditional scope of what being a man is, there is nothing I find more valuable than being neat and tidy about my time. Personally and professionally, I attribute nearly all of my abilities to show up as a man to my discipline within my calendar. And so, this is why I wanted to share with you that us men should always strive to manage our time better, and why.

a young boy standing in a field looking at a camera while the sun is setting in the background.

Is Masculinity Part of Male Identity?

If you were to ask a couple of men to give you their own definition of masculinity, what are the odds that you’ll end up with the same answer? You’re guessing right: a good, round zero. Neither you nor anyone else will ever be taught at school, or in a manual, what masculinity precisely means, and that is for a good reason. Because we can be a man in so many different ways, each one of us has to come up with his own definition, see if it holds any value, and these types of variables are exactly what started me on my journey.

a picture of a mountain touching the sky with fluffy white clouds.

Thoughts and reflections upon the topic of perseverance.

This is and has been a fascinating month for me personally and one I will look back upon in the future with a smile and a warm heart.

You see, for years I have worked on, spent countless hours, had endless conversations, and wondered why I continue devoting myself to The Man Effect. In this pursuit I have desired to encourage others, find answers for myself, and just be a man who is passionate about life.

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12 Questions And Answers About Living Through Hard Times

During these very unique times of life, hardship for many humans is being created due to the pandemic. I felt it would be an appropriate time to ask for the wisdom of men whom I respect to answer questions around how to handle hardship and difficult times.

The way it is formatted is I will introduce each man who has answered the questions and you will also see ways to find out more about them as well.

I hope you find encouragement, wisdom, and hope in the answers written to these questions.

Thoughts and discussion around self-forgiveness.

Have you ever asked yourself, “How do I forgive myself?” It is a difficult and amazing question all at the same time. Recently, after one of the darkest years of my life, I have started to ask myself this question a lot and I am amazed by the amount of impact it has had on me.

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What is masculinity? That's a question every man should be asking himself.

The Start

What is masculinity? This question is a core reason why I started this blog and photography project here at The Man Effect. I have been pursuing and exploring this question for years. I love it and the ramifications on my life it has had.

Masculinity, manliness, and the nature of men are not only something that I believe every human should take the time to ponder on. As humans, it is also something we should conceptualize and analyze the belief of how men exist and represent themselves in immediate and extended communities.

Moving forward, I think it would be appropriate to build some foundation of a definition before we proceed with the importance and impact this question can and does have on our lives if we are open to going down this path.

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15 Questions and Answers About Masculinity

Questioning what it means to be a man is something that I would consider to be a foundation to this website. So, in honor of that, I decided to compile 15 questions about masculinity that I have seen and heard asked often.

Now, before we jump into these questions, I would like to explain how the answers were created. I chose to ask four men who I respect to take time and share their wisdom. The next thing I will do is introduce them so you know a bit about the men behind these words.

Lessons I've learned from a traumatic brain injury and why discomfort in life is so important.

I am writing this article for two predominant reasons. One, so I can have a tangible point of reference when I reflect upon this season of life I have been through. Two, the possibility that the lessons I have learned may inspire one person to not give up on life as struggles confront them.

“Believe in yourself, take on your challenges, dig deep within yourself to conquer fears. Never let anyone bring you down. You got to keep going. “ ~ Chantal Sutherland