For the love of all that is good please stop expecting men to be angry. Media is plagued with the image of men who are only allowed to display this singular emotion. The very second men express something like sadness or tenderness they are instantly losing those oh so coveted masculine brownie points. Think of James Bond for example, how often do you seen him display emotions? This might seem direct and a bit narrow minded in thought, but this is a prevailing unspoken law. I have personally been around countless men who are held down by this silent litigation. They seem to react in one of two ways: a display of untamed anger or a flat-line of all their emotions. I want to focus on the former. I want to hone in on the fact that one of the few emotions men are granted to show is anger. Why is this okay? Why is anger acceptable but sadness not? Please do not misinterpret me. There is nothing wrong with anger, but if it is the only emotion allowed there is something dysfunctional brewing. Imagine telling a kid to go to school and graduate from years of education into a well, wholly-educated, scholar when he has only been equipped with the fundamentals of english literature. There are numerous other topics(emotions), that are valuable and necessary to cope with life on a daily basis. Men need emotions. Just like cars need gas, oil, and transmission fluid. If you were to try and drive a car with just gasoline and not the myriad of other fluids that it needs to properly function, you would fail. That is how I perceive men living life today. Men are trying to drive their cars(lives), with just gasoline. Not because they think it will work, but because that is all they have ever been taught. There are basic emotions every man should have on his tool belt: happiness, sadness, tenderness, anger, fear, excitement, just to list a few. I believe it is time for the world of men's emotions to be accepted. If a man cannot feel these basic feelings or, even worse, be allowed to, he truly cannot function at his fullest.

Speaking honestly, anger is an ever present emotion in my own life. I did a therapeutic exercise a few years back that created a paradigm shift in how I viewed and responded to it. I could not believe the shame I had previously attached to this emotion. When I envisioned anger all I could see was a man who lost control of his temper, destroying everything and everyone around him. This was something I had been running away from for years. I avoided the social pressure to conform to this one emotion. I despised it. I refused to be associated with it. As this active therapy unfolded there was a surprising part of this experience, it was this unknown power I felt. It was not just anger alone, but something unbelievably deeper. Fear. Tenderness. Sadness. I was face to face with the reality that there was something more for me. How had I never known this was so embedded within my being? I decided to welcome anger to be felt in my life not because I wanted to feel powerful or masculine, but I wanted to know my heart had a pulse. I wanted to make a place for emotions in my life again. Through this I found that anger sometimes can be the gateway into the deeper realms of my heart. Now I know that when I feel angry, there are other things going on beyond just being a masculine individual exuding my testosterone. No there is so much more. I am a boy who is tender and scared wondering what the hell I am doing with my life and where I am headed all the while hungering to express that which is bubbling up within me.

To shackle modern day masculinity to the sole expression of anger is like telling a child not to grow up. It is literally demanding of men something that is unnatural. Man is meant to be a multifaceted, expressive machine. I desire for men to develop beyond anger, to experience other sides of their masculinity. I dream of a day where men are beings who would not be associated with weakness just because they are in touch with their inner self. To be vulnerable is human. To be constrained to anger is death. If you are a man (or human) reading this blog I want to exhort you to take on the adventurous journey of letting what’s inside to be free. It most likely will be messy and awkward at first, but I implore you to not give up. If you persevere, what’s waiting for you on the other side of that door is a unique life, full of contrast.

What are your thoughts? Do you think there is more to life than anger for men?

If you like this article it would help me out a ton if you took the time to comment or share it! Thanks for reading!

Cheers,

Timothy

Featured Articles

man holding flowers behind back for woman

4 Common Relationship Issues and How to Address Them

Thoughts around why life will never be fair to you.

I honestly feel a bit like an old grumpy man writing this, even though I am in my early thirties it has become extremely apparent to me that there is this mystical belief ingrained in western societies that everything we desire should be handed to us on a silver platter and when things don’t work out exactly how we want, then the best resort is to become a victim and not look deeply into the fact that our lives literally mean nothing to this world and we are entitled nothing.

man sitting on a bench looking to his left holding his phone and having headphones in

Men should manage their time better and here are 3 reasons why.

As much as it may seem out of the traditional scope of what being a man is, there is nothing I find more valuable than being neat and tidy about my time. Personally and professionally, I attribute nearly all of my abilities to show up as a man to my discipline within my calendar. And so, this is why I wanted to share with you that us men should always strive to manage our time better, and why.

a young boy standing in a field looking at a camera while the sun is setting in the background.

Is Masculinity Part of Male Identity?

If you were to ask a couple of men to give you their own definition of masculinity, what are the odds that you’ll end up with the same answer? You’re guessing right: a good, round zero. Neither you nor anyone else will ever be taught at school, or in a manual, what masculinity precisely means, and that is for a good reason. Because we can be a man in so many different ways, each one of us has to come up with his own definition, see if it holds any value, and these types of variables are exactly what started me on my journey.

a picture of a mountain touching the sky with fluffy white clouds.

Thoughts and reflections upon the topic of perseverance.

This is and has been a fascinating month for me personally and one I will look back upon in the future with a smile and a warm heart.

You see, for years I have worked on, spent countless hours, had endless conversations, and wondered why I continue devoting myself to The Man Effect. In this pursuit I have desired to encourage others, find answers for myself, and just be a man who is passionate about life.

in with a dark hoodie chilling on a bench contemplating life and looking out into the distance

12 Questions And Answers About Living Through Hard Times

During these very unique times of life, hardship for many humans is being created due to the pandemic. I felt it would be an appropriate time to ask for the wisdom of men whom I respect to answer questions around how to handle hardship and difficult times.

The way it is formatted is I will introduce each man who has answered the questions and you will also see ways to find out more about them as well.

I hope you find encouragement, wisdom, and hope in the answers written to these questions.

Thoughts and discussion around self-forgiveness.

Have you ever asked yourself, “How do I forgive myself?” It is a difficult and amazing question all at the same time. Recently, after one of the darkest years of my life, I have started to ask myself this question a lot and I am amazed by the amount of impact it has had on me.

masculine warrior holding a dead man sculpture

What is masculinity? That's a question every man should be asking himself.

The Start

What is masculinity? This question is a core reason why I started this blog and photography project here at The Man Effect. I have been pursuing and exploring this question for years. I love it and the ramifications on my life it has had.

Masculinity, manliness, and the nature of men are not only something that I believe every human should take the time to ponder on. As humans, it is also something we should conceptualize and analyze the belief of how men exist and represent themselves in immediate and extended communities.

Moving forward, I think it would be appropriate to build some foundation of a definition before we proceed with the importance and impact this question can and does have on our lives if we are open to going down this path.

man walking on a beach thinking about masculinity

15 Questions and Answers About Masculinity

Questioning what it means to be a man is something that I would consider to be a foundation to this website. So, in honor of that, I decided to compile 15 questions about masculinity that I have seen and heard asked often.

Now, before we jump into these questions, I would like to explain how the answers were created. I chose to ask four men who I respect to take time and share their wisdom. The next thing I will do is introduce them so you know a bit about the men behind these words.

Lessons I've learned from a traumatic brain injury and why discomfort in life is so important.

I am writing this article for two predominant reasons. One, so I can have a tangible point of reference when I reflect upon this season of life I have been through. Two, the possibility that the lessons I have learned may inspire one person to not give up on life as struggles confront them.

“Believe in yourself, take on your challenges, dig deep within yourself to conquer fears. Never let anyone bring you down. You got to keep going. “ ~ Chantal Sutherland