The desire to belong and be accepted is an attribute of my life that has always existed. I’ve wanted my older siblings to recognize me as a peer, I’ve wanted my boss to hear my opinion on areas I feel I have valuable input to give, and I’ve wanted society to pick me out from the masses and tell me I am special. I just want to be chosen. I have this innate desire to stick out as an honest, valuable man and have a significant purpose which leaves a positive legacy throughout the generations.

Child sitting on the shoulders of its father who is walking through a crowd.

My wish to be chosen and affirmed seems to be an inner core motivation in my life. I am unsure at this moment if it is a negative or positive attribute. What spawned this whole topic for me was this, I recently have started to watch parts of the 2016 Americas Got Talent auditions. In this show, people stand before the selected judges and audience and perform their talent with everything they have. They stand on that stage waiting to be judged and told if they are unique enough to move onto the next round and continue to fight for their dream of a million dollar prize. Something new that they introduced in the past couple seasons is a golden button that each judge can push once. What happens if they do this the talent that is on the stage instantly goes through to a semi-final round rather than having to go through the arduous process of second round tryouts and whatnot. Here is a video clip that made me tear up while watching.

Every time that golden button is pushed the participant is immensely validated by that judge. Think of the odds of it happening for a contestant. It is slimmer than a piece of paper. When I watched this happen jealousy, rose up within me on some levels. I just wanted that glorious moment to happen to me! I want a golden button moment where society, my parents, God, or something above my social class just reaches out has the authority to tell me I am special and then helps equip and direct me for arduous the path ahead of me.

I want to be fathered, coached, and led through the hard things of life. I fear though as a young man that is something only books, determination, and making mistakes can teach me. This desire makes me think of all the people who want to win the lottery. How they are relying on fate to choose a better destiny for them, hoping and longing for a little statistic to pick them out of the millions of other people. It seems my desire to be chosen out of the crowd similar? Instead of waiting for millions of dollars to be handed to me I should probably go out and work my ass off. Similarly so, instead of waiting for a mentor, I should probably read some books and seek advice from other people. Maybe read a self-help book or something.

I just find this desire I have to be unique and worth someone going out of their way to tell me I am special. Do you ever feel like this? I am curious is if this is a normal thing.

Cheers,

Timothy

Featured Articles

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I honestly feel a bit like an old grumpy man writing this, even though I am in my early thirties it has become extremely apparent to me that there is this mystical belief ingrained in western societies that everything we desire should be handed to us on a silver platter and when things don’t work out exactly how we want, then the best resort is to become a victim and not look deeply into the fact that our lives literally mean nothing to this world and we are entitled nothing.

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Men should manage their time better and here are 3 reasons why.

As much as it may seem out of the traditional scope of what being a man is, there is nothing I find more valuable than being neat and tidy about my time. Personally and professionally, I attribute nearly all of my abilities to show up as a man to my discipline within my calendar. And so, this is why I wanted to share with you that us men should always strive to manage our time better, and why.

a young boy standing in a field looking at a camera while the sun is setting in the background.

Is Masculinity Part of Male Identity?

If you were to ask a couple of men to give you their own definition of masculinity, what are the odds that you’ll end up with the same answer? You’re guessing right: a good, round zero. Neither you nor anyone else will ever be taught at school, or in a manual, what masculinity precisely means, and that is for a good reason. Because we can be a man in so many different ways, each one of us has to come up with his own definition, see if it holds any value, and these types of variables are exactly what started me on my journey.

a picture of a mountain touching the sky with fluffy white clouds.

Thoughts and reflections upon the topic of perseverance.

This is and has been a fascinating month for me personally and one I will look back upon in the future with a smile and a warm heart.

You see, for years I have worked on, spent countless hours, had endless conversations, and wondered why I continue devoting myself to The Man Effect. In this pursuit I have desired to encourage others, find answers for myself, and just be a man who is passionate about life.

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12 Questions And Answers About Living Through Hard Times

During these very unique times of life, hardship for many humans is being created due to the pandemic. I felt it would be an appropriate time to ask for the wisdom of men whom I respect to answer questions around how to handle hardship and difficult times.

The way it is formatted is I will introduce each man who has answered the questions and you will also see ways to find out more about them as well.

I hope you find encouragement, wisdom, and hope in the answers written to these questions.

Thoughts and discussion around self-forgiveness.

Have you ever asked yourself, “How do I forgive myself?” It is a difficult and amazing question all at the same time. Recently, after one of the darkest years of my life, I have started to ask myself this question a lot and I am amazed by the amount of impact it has had on me.

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What is masculinity? That's a question every man should be asking himself.

The Start

What is masculinity? This question is a core reason why I started this blog and photography project here at The Man Effect. I have been pursuing and exploring this question for years. I love it and the ramifications on my life it has had.

Masculinity, manliness, and the nature of men are not only something that I believe every human should take the time to ponder on. As humans, it is also something we should conceptualize and analyze the belief of how men exist and represent themselves in immediate and extended communities.

Moving forward, I think it would be appropriate to build some foundation of a definition before we proceed with the importance and impact this question can and does have on our lives if we are open to going down this path.

man walking on a beach thinking about masculinity

15 Questions and Answers About Masculinity

Questioning what it means to be a man is something that I would consider to be a foundation to this website. So, in honor of that, I decided to compile 15 questions about masculinity that I have seen and heard asked often.

Now, before we jump into these questions, I would like to explain how the answers were created. I chose to ask four men who I respect to take time and share their wisdom. The next thing I will do is introduce them so you know a bit about the men behind these words.

Lessons I've learned from a traumatic brain injury and why discomfort in life is so important.

I am writing this article for two predominant reasons. One, so I can have a tangible point of reference when I reflect upon this season of life I have been through. Two, the possibility that the lessons I have learned may inspire one person to not give up on life as struggles confront them.

“Believe in yourself, take on your challenges, dig deep within yourself to conquer fears. Never let anyone bring you down. You got to keep going. “ ~ Chantal Sutherland