What is masculinity? That's a question every man should be asking himself.

The Start

What is masculinity? This question is a core reason why I started this blog and photography project here at The Man Effect. I have been pursuing and exploring this question for years. I love it and the ramifications on my life it has had.

Masculinity, manliness, and the nature of men are not only something that I believe every human should take the time to ponder on. As humans, it is also something we should conceptualize and analyze the belief of how men exist and represent themselves in immediate and extended communities.

Moving forward, I think it would be appropriate to build some foundation of a definition before we proceed with the importance and impact this question can and does have on our lives if we are open to going down this path.

15 Questions and Answers About Masculinity

Questioning what it means to be a man is something that I would consider to be a foundation to this website. So, in honor of that, I decided to compile 15 questions about masculinity that I have seen and heard asked often.

Now, before we jump into these questions, I would like to explain how the answers were created. I chose to ask four men who I respect to take time and share their wisdom. The next thing I will do is introduce them so you know a bit about the men behind these words.

37 Killer Quotes To Encourage You In Facing Problems And Adversity

Life has been known to throw a few problems at those going through it. Yet, the men who face, overcome, and do not cower in the presence of adversity. They grow exponentially, and the life they live is different than those who do not.

I am curious to know, have you encountered hardship and problems as I have? I mean there is no way I can be the only human on this earth! HA

7 Practical Ways To Be An Authentic Man

My journey through the depths of the internet and books to find ways to be a more authentic man have made me realize something...

There is a lack of decent material out there for men seeking to better themselves. Sure you can find information on how to throw a tomahawk or how to shake a hand, but there is little to no content on how to become an emotionally intelligent authentic man.

Simple ways to become more masculine.

Looking masculine holds a powerful cultural context in today's day and age and trying to attain this look for some men is highly desired while others naturally fill the role.

I decided to write down some characteristics on how to look more masculine. I divided them into outer attributes and inner qualities that I believe will help you on your journey.

Taking the time to work on the internal qualities first allows you to build a healthy foundation, so you are not motivated from a place of insecurity. Work on your foundations of who you are, changing the outside has little to no fruit if you do not give proper attention to who you are internally.

5 Attributes of Authentic Masculinity

Authentic masculinity is a commodity desired heavily in western culture. With the increased exposure of sexual harassment and rise in advocacy for women's rights, there seems to be a decent amount of confusion around the topic of masculinity these days.

Now, I believe that many things define what makes a man, a man, but often this is something, not cognitively thought about, or given attention. There are many assumptions lived by in the realm of masculinity.

Why I want men to let certain dreams die.

I was recently asked by a friend jovially what the quote of the day was, in response I thought I would attempt to create something original and out came this remark, "The best fertilizer for a new dream, is the carcass of an old one."

As these words came to my mind and I found myself communicating them, I discovered it resonated deeply with where I am at personally in my journey.

Men, don't give up. Perseverance is worth it.

Take a moment right now, think, reflect, and consider the men in your life and the men of the past that you have respect, ask yourself what is a consistent thread that all these men have.

Chances are they will be dependable, honest, safe, respectable, and many other attributes, but here is the thing, none of these qualities are just handed out at the local charity. No, these core qualities are developed, earned, and built. The men who you respect have held onto their values, they have said no and yes when appropriate and stuck to their word.

Why I Wish Men Would Fight For Their Dreams.

There is an unlimited amount of potential power waiting to be tapped into merely by you choosing to show up on a daily basis.

Why am I trying to emphasize this? Because the amount of personal growth and internal power I have discovered by choosing to perform tasks that push me towards my dreams, actively, has without any question transformed my immediate world.

Why men of action earn respect.

Respect and being masculine go hand in hand.

The more a man is respected, the more he appears to others as being masculine.

Now I am not saying this is a 100% truth, but it is a working theory of mine.

You see a man who takes action and builds a business, asks for a raise, learns a new skill, or many other examples.

The thing is the man who does this creates a momentum of growing respect that others see and contribute to.

Dear 20-year-old punk... there is more to style than you think.

I have an investment opportunity for you. An opportunity other 20-something’s are passing up.

This investment can make you more money, get you a better job, land you a great relationship with a beautiful woman, and give you more self-confidence.

This investment is your appearance.

Why are men's groups always so d*mn awkward?

Outside of getting an erection in my 10th grade English class I know of very few things that are less awkward than a classic "Men's Group." No seriously, in English class when that bell rang telling me it was time to exit the classroom, I waited ever so patiently for every person to leave while I supposedly "doodled" on the papers in my notebooks. No one ever warned me about these symptoms of puberty let alone told me what to do in these situations. Damn you sexually suppressed upbringing. Damn you....but I digress...

I am sick of victim-hood bullsh*t, it's time to take ownership for your own life.

I have this memory from the 1st grad like it was just yesterday. It had recently become popular among my classmates for some odd reason to pull the chair out from under someone as they were trying to sit down, therefore making them plummet to the ground and making a fool of them. I had decided to join in on this fad and instantly got reprimanded by my teacher due to a crying classmate and poor execution of the prank. I will never forget my response to the teacher though. As any good child brought up in the conservative household, I replied to this verbal attack with "The devil made me do it." For some reason, in my head, I believed that if I blamed it on the devil, this would make it, so I was not responsible for my actions. Nothing transpired after getting reprimanded by my teacher other than me having to apologize to my victim, and a fragment of my past is ingrained eternally into my memory.

Masculinity and art of being present.

Pain is a thorn in my side. Nothing makes me want to run away from life more than being in emotional pain. Yet, I have and continue to learn that being present in life is the essence of healthy masculinity. As a man in my late twenties, I have been inundated with options that will pull me away or distract me from being present and aware in the life I have been blessed with living.

Masculinity and facing the unknown.

Yet again there I was with another massive construction project set before me that was beyond my depth of knowledge. Saying I felt a sense of incompetence would be an understatement. My insecurities and fears had fully matured and were ready to reproduce themselves like cancer in my blood. This was yet another challenge against my self-confidence and masculinity. Would I become overwhelmed and shut down? Or would I allow myself to put in the hard work and learn that which I did not know? Fortunately, this time around I permitted myself some grace and was able to break the process down into small tangible steps and efficiently work through and complete what was assigned to me. What I have been learning is that the unknown is very close to a toothless lion. Yes, there could be some potential physical danger but my fear is more so what controls me than the actual tangible threat. There is no bite, just roar.

Why I wish good friendship upon every man.

I would not be who I am today without the friends that surround me. Yes, my family has been important as well, but emotional richness, strength, and the real vitality friendship has brought me seems never to lack the attribute of surprise.

3 Reasons why men need to stop trying to please everyone.

There I was a mere eight or nine-year-old rascal of a boy playing with my friends in the backyard by a traditional wood swingset that accrued many hours of our lives. I cannot remember the particular time or cause, but I have this memory that has plagued me for years. As we the posse of local neighborhood kids were playing around in the backyard doing God knows what as entertainment I had a life altering experience. I had done something to make one of the other kids to cry and then tearfully inform me that I was very bossy and this was a negative thing. This memory has not left me. It refuses to be divorced or purged from my life, and I have continuously wondered why and think I am starting to finally find the reason. This recollection has consistently been a reminder to me over the years that I should not be myself because my personality is painful to others, and I should do my best to please those around me by changing.

Confidence and Self-awareness. What are men looking for?

"Over a year ago I managed to lose approx 50lbs and ended up getting in the best shape of my life. It was right after a book worthy divorce which murdered my appetite and ability to sleep, but that's another ball of wax. As I've spent three to four days a week in the gym, I've been noticing a lot about men. We're ridiculous. It's ironic that most guys are visually oriented, so we're constantly looking at ourselves in the mirror (yes me too) which allows us to witness genuine progress. It's weird to me, guys with the biggest biceps or upper body get the most respect or are the most intimidating to others. Women assimilate those big arms and chest to a man who is strong. Maybe she'll feel protected or safer with him. Maybe she wants to be next to something substantially bigger than her, or maybe it's all a bunch of insecure crap. Now I'm not the big guy nor will I ever be as a measly 5'10" weighing in at 190lbs. I'm happy with myself. It's funny, my trainer (an Olympic track coach, so leg day is no fun) told me once, "Ya know, most these guys train only the stuff you see not their legs, hips, lower back, and core. This is the stuff that creates insane real strength in a man I assure you. A man with strong hips, legs and core is to be feared." Then he showed me why and I get it...

When hope became my enemy.

As a teenager and young child, I never thought clinging to hope would hurt me so viciously. I hoped to be a successful business man, I hoped to find young love, I hoped to find validation, I hoped to be confident, and the list just keeps going and going. I would consider myself a hopeful person and I am starting not to like this attribute of myself.

Do men need to stop running away from life?

Throughout my journey of searching for what it means to be a man, I have observed a common thread or attribute that seems to be admired and essential to the masculine self. It appears to be facing and surviving the adversity that life brings to the table. William Shakespeare put it elegantly "Let me embrace thee, sour adversity, for wise men say it is the wisest course." How accurate this quote seems to be. When I think about the great men of history, I do not recollect people who had lives full of fluff and comfort. No, the men I respect, admire, and wish I could have their counsel are men who have faced great adversity and overcome it. From your classic Abraham Lincon to the less well known Jedediah Smith these are men whom I perceive as masculine because of the adversity they faced and how they persisted and overcame it.