During these very unique times of life, hardship for many humans is being created due to the pandemic. I felt it would be an appropriate time to ask for the wisdom of men whom I respect to answer questions around how to handle hardship and difficult times.
The way it is formatted is I will introduce each man who has answered the questions and you will also see ways to find out more about them as well.
I hope you find encouragement, wisdom, and hope in the answers written to these questions.
Have you ever asked yourself, “How do I forgive myself?” It is a difficult and amazing question all at the same time. Recently, after one of the darkest years of my life, I have started to ask myself this question a lot and I am amazed by the amount of impact it has had on me.
What is masculinity? This question is a core reason why I started this blog and photography project here at The Man Effect. I have been pursuing and exploring this question for years. I love it and the ramifications on my life it has had.
Masculinity, manliness, and the nature of men are not only something that I believe every human should take the time to ponder on. As humans, it is also something we should conceptualize and analyze the belief of how men exist and represent themselves in immediate and extended communities.
Moving forward, I think it would be appropriate to build some foundation of a definition before we proceed with the importance and impact this question can and does have on our lives if we are open to going down this path.
Questioning what it means to be a man is something that I would consider to be a foundation to this website. So, in honor of that, I decided to compile 15 questions about masculinity that I have seen and heard asked often.
Now, before we jump into these questions, I would like to explain how the answers were created. I chose to ask four men who I respect to take time and share their wisdom. The next thing I will do is introduce them so you know a bit about the men behind these words.
Have you ever asked yourself the question before, “Why is mental health important?” I have, and this is a topic that western society seems to be discussing and exploring more, due to the ramifications of depression, suicide, and other mental hurdles that many are experiencing.
With the help of social media, I have seen more and more pockets in the interwebs where people are reaching out for help and doing their best to survive in the darkness. It could be a Facebook group or a sub-Reddit but I have observed many outcries for help.
Yet again, another shooting has happened in America, and I am sad to say I believe it won't be the last. It saddens my heart deeply when lives are unnecessarily taken, and I find it odd that this has become something that our society has to now be on alert for. I remember when Columbine shooting happened. It was as an eerie day, and yet we seem to be living in a sort of groundhogs type society where this is repeating.
When ponding on the lost lives and the heated gun control debates that are ruining social media, I wondered what can I actually tangible do to make a difference in these moments when I feel so helpless from afar.
These are all things I want to touch on in this article. Male friendships are a huge deal and play an important role in life, not only to me but men at large. For the sake of this article, though, I want to start off with defining male friendships.
Male friendships: Two men who have a sense of comradery. They may spend time together, have similar interests, or relate on a deep level. They at times can have an unspoken and spoken commitment to the other individual.
I had just watched one of my close friends go through a painful divorce and could not fathom how he was still holding on. We regularly talked throughout the process, and I watched him keep pushing and not give up. Later on, when I was thinking and reflecting on this painful experience he was going through I suddenly remembered, he had hired a life coach and spoke so highly of him.
I remember thinking how cynical I was of the term "life coach" and how I felt I knew my judgments were accurate.
Have you ever wished to become a man of action?
Why? Is it out of regret? Or longing for a fuller life? Or is it motivated by fear of missing out on life?
These are all critical questions to ask before you start seeking the motivation to be a man who is known to get things done.
Some call it prolonged adolescence others call it extended adolescence, regardless in my opinion immaturity has been bleeding into the early and mid-twenties in a way that is entirely new to the western culture. We have previously touched on this topic here "Why Prolonged Adolescence is the New Epidemic."
My journey through the depths of the internet and books to find ways to be a more authentic man have made me realize something...
There is a lack of decent material out there for men seeking to better themselves. Sure you can find information on how to throw a tomahawk or how to shake a hand, but there is little to no content on how to become an emotionally intelligent authentic man.
Authentic masculinity is a commodity desired heavily in western culture. With the increased exposure of sexual harassment and rise in advocacy for women's rights, there seems to be a decent amount of confusion around the topic of masculinity these days.
Now, I believe that many things define what makes a man, a man, but often this is something, not cognitively thought about, or given attention. There are many assumptions lived by in the realm of masculinity.
The power of well placed and articulately delivered piece of advice is an integral part of being a mature society contributing man in my unsolicited opinion. To be asked the right question, given a bit of specific information to transform a mentality or swift kick in the butt; all of these are things I hope every human can experience.
I was recently asked by a friend jovially what the quote of the day was, in response I thought I would attempt to create something original and out came this remark, "The best fertilizer for a new dream, is the carcass of an old one."
As these words came to my mind and I found myself communicating them, I discovered it resonated deeply with where I am at personally in my journey.
I have yet to meet a man who doesn't desire to feel confident in his skin and men who already feel confident I am sure they wouldn't mind a little more. I mean come on... that is like every mans dream; to feel a massive sense of confidence and exude it for others to see and feel.
So in general, when thinking about our life and style, the level of our confidence influences the decisions we make. Take a moment and ask yourself this, "When was the last time I chose not to do (Fill in the blank) was because I was not confident enough?" I think you may be surprised if you honestly assess yourself with this question.
Respect and being masculine go hand in hand.
The more a man is respected, the more he appears to others as being masculine.
Now I am not saying this is a 100% truth, but it is a working theory of mine.
You see a man who takes action and builds a business, asks for a raise, learns a new skill, or many other examples.
The thing is the man who does this creates a momentum of growing respect that others see and contribute to.
I have an investment opportunity for you. An opportunity other 20-something’s are passing up.
This investment can make you more money, get you a better job, land you a great relationship with a beautiful woman, and give you more self-confidence.
This investment is your appearance.
Outside of getting an erection in my 10th grade English class I know of very few things that are less awkward than a classic "Men's Group." No seriously, in English class when that bell rang telling me it was time to exit the classroom, I waited ever so patiently for every person to leave while I supposedly "doodled" on the papers in my notebooks. No one ever warned me about these symptoms of puberty let alone told me what to do in these situations. Damn you sexually suppressed upbringing. Damn you....but I digress...
There I was sitting in another restaurant indulging myself with some overpriced frozen food warmed by another college kid in the kitchen of yet another big box franchise I despise. My employment had taken me up to the land of central Michigan. I was imprisoned with co-workers and more time to think than even an introvert knows how to handle. Something happened on this trip that I did not anticipate, though, nor did I know how to respond. My co-workers and I were sitting at a bartop table getting food at this cliche franchise before our night shift was initiated, and then something so subtle yet painfully real happened as I was innocently consuming another generic cheese covered burger.
Fear is knocking at the door of my heart. A pulse of insecurity shoots through my mind. The war is on. The battle is full tilt. I am fighting for my life, dreams, and ambitions. Will I put up a fight or go into the captivity of complacency, fear, and timidity?