In my personal research of what masculinity is, the utter cultural vagueness and ambiguity annoy the dickens out of me. What it means to be a man has evolved and devolved like an ebb and flow of an ocean as societies and time have come and gone. There does not seem to be a solid definition that the past generations and the present day societies could use as a plumbline of what it means to be a man. I have been pondering this seemingly bottomless pit of a topic for some time now, and I have begun to realize how much each person's view on masculinity was and is being shaped by the father figures in one's life.
In the process of writing and researching for this article, I was skimming over a dissertation on "Understanding masculinity: The role of father-son interaction on men's perceptions of manhood" By: Clyde J. Remmo, Jr. (Link) This dissertation profoundly resonated with me as he explores the fact that the relationship between a man and a child is merely an act of teaching the one to copy the other. It could also be looked at like the expectation of the father to teach a child to ride a bike. It is a cultural expectation that the sons are to be developed as men by the father figures in their lives. This lead me to wonder where would masculinity be if fathers did not exist?
I think a good place to start finding out where masculinity would be without fathers is what impact on children, in general, would there be if they did not have a father present in their lives.
"Studies have shown that children in America living in homes without fathers are 5 times more likely to live in poverty than children who live with both their mother and their father. Fatherless children are also 2 to 3 times more likely to develop an emotional or behavioral problem requiring psychiatric treatment. Studies have shown that children who grow up without fathers also are more likely to commit crime, and do poorer in school. Perhaps most tragically of all, children who grow up fatherless also are more likely to commit suicide than those who grow up in a home with both their mother and father."
--Capital Youth Empowerment Program (Link)--
"Since the end of Second World War there has been increasing interest by governments and social commentators in the effects of the absent father on the development of those within the remaining family unit. As a result thousands of studies have since been conducted. These studies have repeatedly uncovered a staggering array of issues inflicted particularly on the children of father absent households.
Interestingly it has been shown that the affects of emotionally unavailable fathers were almost identical to those where the father was physically absent.
Theeffects covered everything from physical differences (i.e. the quickened development into and through puberty of children raised with no father present) through to many and varied social and physiological issues.
The summary of issues listed below, in noway covers every aspect of father absence however it is still a powerful indictment to the current social epidemic.
In reference to the general population individuals raised inan absent father environment demonstrate;
1. 5 times the average suicide rate:
2. Dramatically increased rates of depression and anxiety:
3. 32 times the average rate of incarceration:
4. Decreased education levels and increased drop-out rates:
5. Consistently lower average income levels:
6. Lower job security:
7. Increased rates of divorce and relationship issues:
8. Substantially increased rates of substance abuse: and
9. Increases in social and mental behavioral issues:"
--The Father Code (Link)--
You could spend so much time reading articles and opinions on what the adverse effects are of fatherlessness, and I encourage you to do it. I became sick to my stomach in reading the massive amount of information that is on this topic and the negative effects it is having on society.
I think what I personally have come to conclude is that with the deterioration of fathers in society so will the deterioration of masculinity occur. It would be fascinating to know what the perception of a man would be in a culture that has absolutely no fathers. It seems as though this article has taken a hypothetical turn but I just have no other way to express my inquisitive nature towards this topic.
What effect on masculinity do you think fatherlessness would have? Where is masculinity learned? Why does masculinity matter? These are questions I want to find out. I hope you join me in the process.
Cheers,
Timothy
I honestly feel a bit like an old grumpy man writing this, even though I am in my early thirties it has become extremely apparent to me that there is this mystical belief ingrained in western societies that everything we desire should be handed to us on a silver platter and when things don’t work out exactly how we want, then the best resort is to become a victim and not look deeply into the fact that our lives literally mean nothing to this world and we are entitled nothing.
As much as it may seem out of the traditional scope of what being a man is, there is nothing I find more valuable than being neat and tidy about my time. Personally and professionally, I attribute nearly all of my abilities to show up as a man to my discipline within my calendar. And so, this is why I wanted to share with you that us men should always strive to manage our time better, and why.
If you were to ask a couple of men to give you their own definition of masculinity, what are the odds that you’ll end up with the same answer? You’re guessing right: a good, round zero. Neither you nor anyone else will ever be taught at school, or in a manual, what masculinity precisely means, and that is for a good reason. Because we can be a man in so many different ways, each one of us has to come up with his own definition, see if it holds any value, and these types of variables are exactly what started me on my journey.
This is and has been a fascinating month for me personally and one I will look back upon in the future with a smile and a warm heart.
You see, for years I have worked on, spent countless hours, had endless conversations, and wondered why I continue devoting myself to The Man Effect. In this pursuit I have desired to encourage others, find answers for myself, and just be a man who is passionate about life.
During these very unique times of life, hardship for many humans is being created due to the pandemic. I felt it would be an appropriate time to ask for the wisdom of men whom I respect to answer questions around how to handle hardship and difficult times.
The way it is formatted is I will introduce each man who has answered the questions and you will also see ways to find out more about them as well.
I hope you find encouragement, wisdom, and hope in the answers written to these questions.
Have you ever asked yourself, “How do I forgive myself?” It is a difficult and amazing question all at the same time. Recently, after one of the darkest years of my life, I have started to ask myself this question a lot and I am amazed by the amount of impact it has had on me.
The Start
What is masculinity? This question is a core reason why I started this blog and photography project here at The Man Effect. I have been pursuing and exploring this question for years. I love it and the ramifications on my life it has had.
Masculinity, manliness, and the nature of men are not only something that I believe every human should take the time to ponder on. As humans, it is also something we should conceptualize and analyze the belief of how men exist and represent themselves in immediate and extended communities.
Moving forward, I think it would be appropriate to build some foundation of a definition before we proceed with the importance and impact this question can and does have on our lives if we are open to going down this path.
Questioning what it means to be a man is something that I would consider to be a foundation to this website. So, in honor of that, I decided to compile 15 questions about masculinity that I have seen and heard asked often.
Now, before we jump into these questions, I would like to explain how the answers were created. I chose to ask four men who I respect to take time and share their wisdom. The next thing I will do is introduce them so you know a bit about the men behind these words.
I am writing this article for two predominant reasons. One, so I can have a tangible point of reference when I reflect upon this season of life I have been through. Two, the possibility that the lessons I have learned may inspire one person to not give up on life as struggles confront them.
“Believe in yourself, take on your challenges, dig deep within yourself to conquer fears. Never let anyone bring you down. You got to keep going. “ ~ Chantal Sutherland
Have you ever asked yourself the question before, “Why is mental health important?” I have, and this is a topic that western society seems to be discussing and exploring more, due to the ramifications of depression, suicide, and other mental hurdles that many are experiencing.
With the help of social media, I have seen more and more pockets in the interwebs where people are reaching out for help and doing their best to survive in the darkness. It could be a Facebook group or a sub-Reddit but I have observed many outcries for help.
Life, it likes to do this thing where it challenges everything that you believe and dream of. You can say it is the universe, god, or a spiritual entity, but at the end of the day, the source of friction that you believe is delivering this to your doorstep does not really change the amount of challenge that every human is confronted with.
Years ago I had taken it upon myself to learn how to craft my own wooden furniture. I spent hours online looking at designs and styles I loved, watched YouTube videos, and bought books on the topic. Finally, I decided on my first project and proceeded to start the arduous scary process of doing something for the first time.
I drove around until I found some wooden pallets in a dumpster or scavenged Craigslist for any free lumber that was posted. After accumulating a mountain of wood and a decent amount of frustration trying to pull the pallets apart, I was then launched into the phase of the project that slowly began to change my life. Articulating my vision. Back in Step 2 I briefly touch on the topic of creating a vision. Well, woodworking is a very practical example of creating a vision and then acting upon it.
The western world is saturated with self-help literature, self-proclaimed gurus, and nonsensical material attempting to manipulate you into following their "best" methods. If you spend any time on social media the amount of content created to inspire and motivate you seems to be an up an established trend. This stuff is everywhere.
Time and time again I run into men who struggle with finding the motivation to get up and actually take action in life. So, I started an ongoing series to help men who struggle with this. I wanted to create practical tools and ways for men to get a jump start in their life.
This whole article is based on the current results of a survey The Man Effect started in early April 2018. So, if you have not yet had a chance to take this survey on masculinity please take a couple moments out of your day, click the button below and go take it.
Yet again, another shooting has happened in America, and I am sad to say I believe it won't be the last. It saddens my heart deeply when lives are unnecessarily taken, and I find it odd that this has become something that our society has to now be on alert for. I remember when Columbine shooting happened. It was as an eerie day, and yet we seem to be living in a sort of groundhogs type society where this is repeating.
When ponding on the lost lives and the heated gun control debates that are ruining social media, I wondered what can I actually tangible do to make a difference in these moments when I feel so helpless from afar.
For quite some time now I have been asking the people of Reddit, Facebook, and the humans around me what they think when it comes to the topic of masculinity.
I have been listening and observing what people think on this topic publicly since 2014. You can check out some of the interviews I have done here if you like photos and here if you like videos.
I have been spending years now studying and researching the topic of masculinity and what it means to other men and women. If you have not had a chance yet check out the photography side of this website where I have interviewed hundreds of people asking them all the same question, "If you were to describe what it means to be a man in one word, what would it be and why?"
These are all things I want to touch on in this article. Male friendships are a huge deal and play an important role in life, not only to me but men at large. For the sake of this article, though, I want to start off with defining male friendships.
Male friendships: Two men who have a sense of comradery. They may spend time together, have similar interests, or relate on a deep level. They at times can have an unspoken and spoken commitment to the other individual.
It has been one of my strongest desires with starting The Man Effect to help encourage men to be authentic and more present. Well, I was talking to one of my cousins who is a therapist, and we were discussing psychology and life in general. That is when being present came up in our conversation, and it inspired me to want to write an article to encourage men to grow in this arena and give them practical tips on how to do so.
Life has been known to throw a few problems at those going through it. Yet, the men who face, overcome, and do not cower in the presence of adversity. They grow exponentially, and the life they live is different than those who do not.
I am curious to know, have you encountered hardship and problems as I have? I mean there is no way I can be the only human on this earth! HA
I had just watched one of my close friends go through a painful divorce and could not fathom how he was still holding on. We regularly talked throughout the process, and I watched him keep pushing and not give up. Later on, when I was thinking and reflecting on this painful experience he was going through I suddenly remembered, he had hired a life coach and spoke so highly of him.
I remember thinking how cynical I was of the term "life coach" and how I felt I knew my judgments were accurate.
Have you ever wished to become a man of action?
Why? Is it out of regret? Or longing for a fuller life? Or is it motivated by fear of missing out on life?
These are all critical questions to ask before you start seeking the motivation to be a man who is known to get things done.
Have you ever had the thought, "If only I were more confident as a man then I would get that raise at work, the pretty girl would give me attention, or I would be able to pitch my business idea and find investors."
Let's be honest at some point in life if you probably had some form of thought along those lines.
The desire and value of confidence is something spread far and wide throughout men. Sure they might not overtly say, "I wish I was more confident." But the thought is there.
There and millions of boys and young men growing up with only a mother, and those who do have fathers chances are high that they are not emotionally present.
Have you ever looked into or researched how vital the father plays in the emotional and social development of a child?
Well, I think before we dive into some creative ways for men to improve life it is important to understand where this immaturity may be coming from and why it is crucial to develop maturity so we can help prevent the some of the next generations from experiencing these struggles.
Some call it prolonged adolescence others call it extended adolescence, regardless in my opinion immaturity has been bleeding into the early and mid-twenties in a way that is entirely new to the western culture. We have previously touched on this topic here "Why Prolonged Adolescence is the New Epidemic."
My journey through the depths of the internet and books to find ways to be a more authentic man have made me realize something...
There is a lack of decent material out there for men seeking to better themselves. Sure you can find information on how to throw a tomahawk or how to shake a hand, but there is little to no content on how to become an emotionally intelligent authentic man.
The art of a genuinely placed compliment to women is an essential skill of a well-rounded man. I am no professional, but I have seen the fruit from taking cognitive action in this arena. So, I wanted to share what I have learned.
Taking the time to compliment those around you will give you a tangible experience on the power of your words.
For years and years I did not believe it was possible to define masculinity, but in the past months my perspective has changed, and I decided I would take the time to write down what my definition of masculinity currently is.
Now, before we proceed, I do want you to acknowledge with me that much of what a culture deems masculine is highly dependent upon the time period and the society that influences the people defining masculinity.
That being said out of the hundreds of conversations, books, podcasts, videos, and my own observations, I have spotted a pattern that I believe brings substantial merit to the discussion about masculinity.