My struggle of being honest was brought to the forefront recently when my annual birthday plagued my life without bias. I have never know how to conduct myself when it comes to my loving family and friends wanting to gift me their affirmation and love. If I were honest, I would say please celebrate me and love me, but alas, what usually happens is I shut down emotionally, and am unsure of how to respond with all the attention focused on my existence.
I would think that the opportunity to feel loved and affirmed is something I would take advantage of, but having those overt expressions of having a need that other people can fulfill, makes me think I am weak or maybe even unmasculine. Why is this? Why am I programmed in such a way that I struggle to capitalize on the very moment when I could feel highly loved and affirmed? Seems a bit odd and counter-intuitive to me, but that is my present nature.
So where do I go from here? What do I do with the realization of my oddity and dysfunction? Do I continue forward or do I stay stagnant and motionless? I hate the feeling of knowing I am acting in such a way that is not emotionally beneficial for me, yet I am unsure of how to overcome my internal struggle to say I want and need that affirmation and love.
How can a man be honest about his needs and maintain social and self-respect? It is so curious to me because if a man was to say he is hungry for food a basic survival need, there is no social shunning that occurs, yet if a man were to say he was craving some emotional attention modern day culture would indirectly implicate volumes of what he lacks as a masculine individual. How many people’s lives have been tumultuously disturbed due to the unspoken laws of how men should or should not act when it comes to emotions.
Let's return to the topic of my birthday. Honestly, I do not know what to do about it. I am single, so I have no special companion who would break through my defense mechanisms. My family did celebrate me with the best of their ability which was nice, yet it was not in such a sense that I was open to their love. Why would I be shut down even towards those who love me most?
Why do I struggle with this? I would think at this point in life I would have this figured out. I mean for goodness sake I started a blog focused on masculinity I should have all of my bearings together right? It appears I have strong judgments against myself of who I am and how I should act and are these stopping me from getting nutrition for my emotional being. Is there a resolution to my struggle?
I consider myself to be an emotionally aware person, so the idea of the fact that I struggle with this fascinates me because how many men out there are in dire need of being honest about their emotional needs?
What are your thoughts? If a human has emotional needs should they communicate them? What are things you do to get your emotional needs met?