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The Man Effect | Defining Masculinity

What does it mean to be a man?

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The art of learning from life.

 

I have not lived long, but something I have learned is that life will either chew you up and spit you out or you can let it be your teacher and become more able to take life on.

...

Growing up in the cornfields of southern Minnesota, my brother and I had plenty of time to venture out.  We were active boys full of imagination with a decent size world as our stomping ground.  In today’s culture, we would have been considered free range children.  I spent most of my growing up years in a small town called Rapidan.  It consisted of one intersection, two churches, and a bike trail that if you chose to ride its course through the country, five miles later you’d end up in a nearby city which possessed the name Mankato.  My brother Judah and I would spend hours and hours going up and down this trail to a nearby train trestle which had been converted for the use of this public trail.  Under this bridge, we would attempt to build small dams, catch animals, and carve our names and other things into the side of the sandstone cliffs lining the small riverside.  I find that this time of being a boy who managed countless hours of manual labor all in the name of play and fun to be so profound.  I learned skills that no classroom ever taught me.  The mechanical process of overcoming the many problems we faced is something that has served me well as an electrician.  We built small dams, forts, dropped huge rocks off the bridge, and the list of small enjoyable accomplishments just keeps going and going.

Old man painting.

The following years of my life were filled with many fun encounters.  Once I graduated from high school I started a journey around the U.S. to do some soul searching.  The hardship, encounters with countless individuals, and years of an empty bank account taught me things that the sheltered realm of a southern Minnesotan boy was incapable of.  Life experience, I came to find out, was the best teacher I had ever had.  No sermon or lecture I had listened to really empowered me for what life had to offer. So I started to subject myself to situations where I was uncomfortable because I knew that the lessons I would learn from them were something no one could take or impart to me.

The reason I am detailing this account of my childhood into young adulthood is to let people know that learning is not just an experience you have within the confines of a classroom.  I have found that when I am eager for new knowledge all aspects of my life can teach me something if I’m willing to receive it.  I wish I had learned this earlier on.  I had spent years telling myself that only valid learning was done in a classroom setting and that thought process simply is just not true.  In this oversaturated, education driven society I felt what I was learning was not the whole picture.  This concept started to take shape as I dove further into being an electrician.  Yes, there were books involved to understand electricity better, but I found that the skills I applied the most in my job were not coming from a book or classroom experience, rather I found that I was responding to the pressures and stress of the job through what I had learned in the thicket of normal life, tromping through those southern Minnesota cornfields.  I realized the art of learning from life was a commodity that was more valuable than cold glass of water on a hot day.

This posture of being humble enough to let life teach me lessons is something that I hope to take on more and more as I grow old.  I am starting to believe that the true art of learning lessons from life is simply this: set aside my own pride and admit I don’t have all the answers.  I have found when I wholly accept this principle in its entirety I grow leaps and bounds.  It reminds me of when I started learning the Russian fighting style of Systema.  I had never done any form of fighting before in my life, outside of wrestling with my brothers and childhood friends.  Walking into a small, padded gym with a couple unique guys pounding on each other was super intimidating.  I had never punched anyone in my life let alone intentionally thought about how to do it.  I walked in there completely aware that I knew absolutely nothing.  I felt extremely insecure.  As the weeks went on, sparring constantly, I found out how much I loved it.  What surprised me most, though, was how much this skill translated into other areas of my life.  I guess the moral of the story is this: eat your pride and let your experiences be the teacher.  Be aware of what is happening around you and observe how things are.  That is my personal goal.  May my life teach me lessons no book ever will.

I would love to hear your thoughts and stories!  If you get a chance, please share!!!

Cheers,

Timothy

Featured
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Life, it likes to do this thing where it challenges everything that you believe and dream of. You can say it is the universe, god, or a spiritual entity, but at the end of the day, the source of friction that you believe is delivering this to your doorstep does not really change the amount of challenge that every human is confronted with. 


How To Become A Man Of Action Step 4 Doing Something

Years ago I had taken it upon myself to learn how to craft my own wooden furniture. I spent hours online looking at designs and styles I loved, watched YouTube videos, and bought books on the topic. Finally, I decided on my first project and proceeded to start the arduous scary process of doing something for the first time. 

I drove around until I found some wooden pallets in a dumpster or scavenged Craigslist for any free lumber that was posted. After accumulating a mountain of wood and a decent amount of frustration trying to pull the pallets apart, I was then launched into the phase of the project that slowly began to change my life. Articulating my vision. Back in Step 2 I briefly touch on the topic of creating a vision. Well, woodworking is a very practical example of creating a vision and then acting upon it.

How To Become A Man Of Action Step 3 Do Not Give Up

The western world is saturated with self-help literature, self-proclaimed gurus, and nonsensical material attempting to manipulate you into following their "best" methods. If you spend any time on social media the amount of content created to inspire and motivate you seems to be an up an established trend. This stuff is everywhere. 

How To Become A Man Of Action Step 2 Create A Strong Vision

Time and time again I run into men who struggle with finding the motivation to get up and actually take action in life. So, I started an ongoing series to help men who struggle with this. I wanted to create practical tools and ways for men to get a jump start in their life. 

Masculinity And The Art Of Asking Questions. Round 2

This whole article is based on the current results of a survey The Man Effect started in early April 2018. So, if you have not yet had a chance to take this survey on masculinity please take a couple moments out of your day, click the button below and go take it. 

Practical Ways Men Can Respond to the Mass Shootings.

Yet again, another shooting has happened in America, and I am sad to say I believe it won't be the last. It saddens my heart deeply when lives are unnecessarily taken, and I find it odd that this has become something that our society has to now be on alert for. I remember when Columbine shooting happened. It was as an eerie day, and yet we seem to be living in a sort of groundhogs type society where this is repeating. 

When ponding on the lost lives and the heated gun control debates that are ruining social media, I wondered what can I actually tangible do to make a difference in these moments when I feel so helpless from afar. 

Masculinity And The Art Of Asking Questions

For quite some time now I have been asking the people of Reddit, Facebook, and the humans around me what they think when it comes to the topic of masculinity. 

I have been listening and observing what people think on this topic publicly since 2014. You can check out some of the interviews I have done here if you like photos and here if you like videos. 

Masculinity Survey

I have been spending years now studying and researching the topic of masculinity and what it means to other men and women. If you have not had a chance yet check out the photography side of this website where I have interviewed hundreds of people asking them all the same question, "If you were to describe what it means to be a man in one word, what would it be and why?" 

Male friendships, their importance, and how to develop them.
Male friendships, their importance, and how to develop them.

These are all things I want to touch on in this article. Male friendships are a huge deal and play an important role in life, not only to me but men at large. For the sake of this article, though, I want to start off with defining male friendships.

Male friendships: Two men who have a sense of comradery. They may spend time together, have similar interests, or relate on a deep level. They at times can have an unspoken and spoken commitment to the other individual.

7 Ninja Ways To Help You Become A More Present Man.

It has been one of my strongest desires with starting The Man Effect to help encourage men to be authentic and more present. Well, I was talking to one of my cousins who is a therapist, and we were discussing psychology and life in general. That is when being present came up in our conversation, and it inspired me to want to write an article to encourage men to grow in this arena and give them practical tips on how to do so. 

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tags: Art of Learning, Masculinity, Man
Sunday 02.07.16
Posted by Timothy Wenger
Comments: 6
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