Pain is a thorn in my side. Nothing makes me want to run away from life more than being in emotional pain. Yet, I have and continue to learn that being present in life is the essence of healthy masculinity. As a man in my late twenties, I have been inundated with options that will pull me away or distract me from being present and aware in the life I have been blessed with living.

Man looking at a poster board with notes all over it.

I rarely with accuracy anticipate what life chooses to throw at me, happiness seems to be no shorter than an ejaculation, and pain seems to want to be my best friend. Yet, I choose to press on. I may have subjected myself to the discomfort I am experiencing, yet, it tells me I am alive. It gives me feedback communicating that all the hard work I have done not to shut my heart down is working. Even though I do not enjoy the feeling of pain being present, allowing myself to feel the ups and downs of life transmits to my intellect that my heart is alive. The sadness, tenderness, and anger tell me my emotional heart is beating that the glorious emotional water is flowing through the pipe of my heart. This knowledge empowers me to embrace the reality I am in the present. It is a reminder for me to enjoy the moment I am in rather than being wrapped up in my inner world calculating when my imminent financial, professional, or relational struggles may occur.

I would be lying if I said I enjoy pain, but being the youngest of four and having hours of childish torture inflicted upon me by older brothers taught me this simple lesson; pain ends. It may last a long time but there will be moments to catch your breath and or it might fully subside. As I reflect upon that small lesson, it translates quickly to the topic of being present. Even though I may be in pain currently I know something will change therefore I can convince myself to be in the now. I have been around many men who are not present in life, myself included. Work, family, government, conspiracies, and a myriad of other emotional and physical things pull men from their momentary reality.

A couple of other things that have helped me be present is embracing not knowing all the answers and the challenge of figuring life out. That is what being present means, not shutting down, letting life challenge you and pressing forward.

My hope and desire is this. For men to be present. To enjoy playing Legos with their child, drinking a beer with a friend over some deep conversation, or kissing your significant other. I long for a day and age where men choose not to numb their heart out of fear and allow the emotions positive and negative to flow through one's heart in order to know and realize the moment one is living in. So will you join me in searching for ways to be present in life?

Cheers,

Timothy

Featured Articles

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4 Common Relationship Issues and How to Address Them

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I honestly feel a bit like an old grumpy man writing this, even though I am in my early thirties it has become extremely apparent to me that there is this mystical belief ingrained in western societies that everything we desire should be handed to us on a silver platter and when things don’t work out exactly how we want, then the best resort is to become a victim and not look deeply into the fact that our lives literally mean nothing to this world and we are entitled nothing.

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Men should manage their time better and here are 3 reasons why.

As much as it may seem out of the traditional scope of what being a man is, there is nothing I find more valuable than being neat and tidy about my time. Personally and professionally, I attribute nearly all of my abilities to show up as a man to my discipline within my calendar. And so, this is why I wanted to share with you that us men should always strive to manage our time better, and why.

a young boy standing in a field looking at a camera while the sun is setting in the background.

Is Masculinity Part of Male Identity?

If you were to ask a couple of men to give you their own definition of masculinity, what are the odds that you’ll end up with the same answer? You’re guessing right: a good, round zero. Neither you nor anyone else will ever be taught at school, or in a manual, what masculinity precisely means, and that is for a good reason. Because we can be a man in so many different ways, each one of us has to come up with his own definition, see if it holds any value, and these types of variables are exactly what started me on my journey.

a picture of a mountain touching the sky with fluffy white clouds.

Thoughts and reflections upon the topic of perseverance.

This is and has been a fascinating month for me personally and one I will look back upon in the future with a smile and a warm heart.

You see, for years I have worked on, spent countless hours, had endless conversations, and wondered why I continue devoting myself to The Man Effect. In this pursuit I have desired to encourage others, find answers for myself, and just be a man who is passionate about life.

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12 Questions And Answers About Living Through Hard Times

During these very unique times of life, hardship for many humans is being created due to the pandemic. I felt it would be an appropriate time to ask for the wisdom of men whom I respect to answer questions around how to handle hardship and difficult times.

The way it is formatted is I will introduce each man who has answered the questions and you will also see ways to find out more about them as well.

I hope you find encouragement, wisdom, and hope in the answers written to these questions.

Thoughts and discussion around self-forgiveness.

Have you ever asked yourself, “How do I forgive myself?” It is a difficult and amazing question all at the same time. Recently, after one of the darkest years of my life, I have started to ask myself this question a lot and I am amazed by the amount of impact it has had on me.

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What is masculinity? That's a question every man should be asking himself.

The Start

What is masculinity? This question is a core reason why I started this blog and photography project here at The Man Effect. I have been pursuing and exploring this question for years. I love it and the ramifications on my life it has had.

Masculinity, manliness, and the nature of men are not only something that I believe every human should take the time to ponder on. As humans, it is also something we should conceptualize and analyze the belief of how men exist and represent themselves in immediate and extended communities.

Moving forward, I think it would be appropriate to build some foundation of a definition before we proceed with the importance and impact this question can and does have on our lives if we are open to going down this path.

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15 Questions and Answers About Masculinity

Questioning what it means to be a man is something that I would consider to be a foundation to this website. So, in honor of that, I decided to compile 15 questions about masculinity that I have seen and heard asked often.

Now, before we jump into these questions, I would like to explain how the answers were created. I chose to ask four men who I respect to take time and share their wisdom. The next thing I will do is introduce them so you know a bit about the men behind these words.

Lessons I've learned from a traumatic brain injury and why discomfort in life is so important.

I am writing this article for two predominant reasons. One, so I can have a tangible point of reference when I reflect upon this season of life I have been through. Two, the possibility that the lessons I have learned may inspire one person to not give up on life as struggles confront them.

“Believe in yourself, take on your challenges, dig deep within yourself to conquer fears. Never let anyone bring you down. You got to keep going. “ ~ Chantal Sutherland