The desire to belong and be accepted is an attribute of my life that has always existed. I’ve wanted my older siblings to recognize me as a peer, I’ve wanted my boss to hear my opinion on areas I feel I have valuable input to give, and I’ve wanted society to pick me out from the masses and tell me I am special. I just want to be chosen. I have this innate desire to stick out as an honest, valuable man and have a significant purpose which leaves a positive legacy throughout the generations.
Does medicating to cope with life make you a failure?
I had been traveling the breadth of the U.S. for close to five years, going from non-profit to non-profit volunteering my time in my late teens and early twenties. I got to take part in feeding and clothing the homeless, spending hours practicing ministry to people at the lowest points in their lives, spent a significant amount of time doing manual labor to help build these organizations, and even got to do an after school program for middle-schoolers.
Why Technology Is Redefining Masculinity
More than feminism, progressive politics, or Hollywood, one thing has permanently altered the role of men in society. Take a look at your smartphone or the truck you drive. Single-handedly, technology is redefining what it means to be a man in the modern era. Gender roles, jobs, and the hierarchy of society have all revolved around the place of men as the stronger of the sexes, and women as the child bearers. Within a century, those roles have transformed.
Emotional Prostitution & Craving Affirmation.
It was just another weekday night. My family had just sat down to eat dinner together, and all was well. The salt and pepper were passed around with melodic precision. Conversations were explored, and I could carve another notch in my belt for a successful family dinner. My father was the primary financial provider for us, and my mother stayed at home keeping the house in order and lovingly addressing my siblings and I's daily needs and struggles. When my father got home from work, we would all gather around the standard dining room table and eat the nutritious meal my mother had created with her skilled Minnesotan abilities. Casseroles and hearty meals were what the menu consisted of to say the least. Even though my family was never financially plentiful, my mother always figured out ways to feed us well. It was a regular occasion for all of us to sit around the dinner table every evening and converse over how our day was. The thing for me is that I do not remember any particular event or outbreak of insanity that negatively scarred me from this tradition. Rather in recent times as I have begun to reflect on my person and why I do what I do, I realized that being the youngest of four siblings I have always craved attention. Whether it is emotional or not, I wanted and still want people to acknowledge my existence and uniqueness. In thinking about those longings, I was drawn back to the dinner table where I felt so small and insignificant, where being the youngest attention rarely seemed in my direction.
Men And Gun Culture. Does It Matter?
Why do men love guns? When I write that, I am acutely aware of the fact that not every man owns or loves guns, and that not every woman is a pacifist. But when you look at the few studies that are available, one of them being the Pew Research Survey conducted in 2012, only 12% of women responded saying they owned a gun, while 37% of men did. This is surprising in a number of ways.
3 Things Woodworking Has Taught Me About Life.
Not long ago I was getting ready to move to a new house within the Kansas City limits and on a whim of random inspiration, I decided that I was going to give away and sell all the furniture that I currently had not made myself in my bedroom. The reason for this was I desired to create an atmosphere of immediate need for furniture. Why did I intentionally want this pressure? I knew myself all to well that is why. As the old mechanics say "A squeaky wheel gets fixed."
Masculinity and the battle of never giving up.
I need help. Someone, please swoop in and tell me what to do with my life. I feel powerless. I want to give up. Why is it so hard to live.
These are just a few of the doubts and fears I have had to face on a consistent basis walking through the dimly lit existence people so willingly call life. It has without biased humbled me in respects to believing that the world is just waiting to be conquered by the whim of my sporadic unsolidified motivation. Even though the struggle of failure is real; seeing beyond the immediate pain of my daily monotony, there is a grand scope of strengths and knowledge delving into the depths of my being, uninvited, unseen, and dispersing nutrients for the journey ahead of me.
One subtle encounter that changed my life came from a simple email I received from a man I respect. I had reached out to him because I had just reached a milestone in my project that was exciting to me. He responded with some simple encouragement and then at the very end of the email this line was inserted. "Don’t let up. You are Sisyphus pushing the rock up the mountain every day. Learn to enjoy that grind."
Defining the American Man: Gender Shaming in the Modern Day
Naturally, there are certain aspects of masculinity that are purely cultural. Various masculine traits shift and change over time, differ from society to society and bring honor or shame depending on the country in which you live. In fact, according to most anthropologists, the only consistent male gender roles by definition are men as a protector of territory, family and community, and men as providers. The rest seems to be flexible, changing with the expectations of the culture and time period.
Why Do I Do What I Do?
The struggle of being a mid-twenties male in a first world country with little to no worry in this day and age is that I cannot shake the question of "Why do I do what I do?" I am blessed with a low-stress life, with an abundance of food, and a roof over my head. Yet, this inquisition of "Why do I do what I do?" covers from my profession down to my reasons for writing this blog. I just struggle with what is my motivation, my reason, my purpose.
Why Prolonged Adolescence is the New Epidemic.
“The Wild Man doesn’t come to full life through being “natural,” going with the flow, smoking weed, reading nothing, and being generally groovy. Ecstasy amounts to living within reach of the high voltage of the golden gifts. The ecstasy comes after thought, after discipline imposed on ourselves, after grief.”
How I Knew I Became A Man.
There I was, minding my own business going about my mundane life when all of the sudden I got a text carrying the question. “When did you know you became a man?” I sat and stared at the screen briefly with an instant sense that this provocative inquiry was the perfect catalyst to help me examine a deeper level of myself which I had not yet traversed. I responded to my friend that this was an excellent topic, and I would explore it next time I had a writing session. Alas, here I am about to go down the path which I know will change me. Are you willing to join me?
An Open Letter to Women Who Don't Think Men Should Be Emotional
There are plenty of social outlets perpetuating the belief that men are not as emotional as women. Depending on who’s holding the conversation, some even hold the belief that men are not as deep, caring, compassionate or smart as women. The modern woman is looking for a man who will be able to relate to her, care about her heart as much as her body or ability to cook, and be able to keep up with her and her accomplishments and aspirations. All the while, women are waiting for men to display their inherent shallowness and incapacity to display or handle emotions.
Why I Stopped Relying On God To Make Me Masculine.
The idea of a deity having a role in making me more masculine is something I found rooted deep in my youth, most likely from watching and reading about Greek mythology or Biblical characters such as Hercules and King David and just the culture I was brought up in; the images of these incredibly masculine men who seem to be able to take life by the testicles are fascinating to me. Why did God intervene in their masculinity and not mine? Has their been outside intervention in my development as a man? King David, for example, found strength in the Judaic God whom he worshiped while out in the wilderness as a shepherd. Legend has it that the supernatural confidence imparted to him enabled the conquering of a lion, bear, and even a giant with simply a sling and stone. Now Hercules on the other had was the son of Zeus and a mortal to my understanding; he went on a myriad of outrageously epic adventures that required the strength given to him by the Gods. These images of masculinity indirectly implanted a mentality in my life that God was what will make me a true man. I hope to displace this belief on some levels from my life.
11 Ways You Can Affirm Your Sons Today
Raising great men is a serious job. One day, your little boy is going to grow up, and they will take on their role as men. The way they live out that role, the contributions they make to the community and the world around them, and the generations that follow them will all be affected by the way they see themselves and how they choose to live their lives. With all the parenting advice out there, it can be difficult to know what it takes to raise a good man, and some of that definition will depend on who you ask.
What we do know is boys grow up and face a tough world. Having the support of parents who believe in them makes all the difference. Here are some important and simple ways you can help affirm your sons in a culture that doesn’t always reinforce what they truly have to offer the world.
Does Accountability Matter?
Growing up in a heavily influenced Christian atmosphere the word accountability was used frequently and most commonly within the context of the men in its culture. It seemed to be this sort of scapegoat crutch to pawn major life issues onto. Now, don’t get me wrong, I think having people involved in my life and giving support through tough times is needed; however, I hope to bring some definition to this topic through what I have observed. In the following, I will explore what personal accountability should look like in my opinion and experience.
Is Traditional Masculinity Bad?
With all the negative research regarding masculinity, it pays to love yourself if you’re a man. The dividing line is all too black and white, with science producing study after study that seems to lead the reader to understand that masculinity, and an adherence to masculine beliefs and social structures leads to negative outcomes. The problem is that there isn’t much research on the opposite, or the positive outcomes that can be associated with having a strong reinforcement of traditionally masculine traits or values.
Why I Honestly Desire To Be Masculine.
My personal journey of attempting to define what it means to be a man has been a long and arduous process that I am honestly unsure if I will ever find the desired goal. The process has been the most sculpting and humbling thing of all it would seem. This quote seems appropriate to this subject context.
“The journey of a thousand miles, begins with one step.” ~ Lao Tzu
Since “The Man Effect” was started out of my personal desire of wondering what it means to be a man cross-pollinated with my desire to do a photography project, I thought it was finally time to sit down and write about why I long to be a masculine, because I believe this will help give context and understanding to my motives for this project.
Why Does Gender Equality Have to Mean Gender Neutrality?
Why does gender equality have to mean gender neutrality? Each person grows to live, love, and feel the way they do within a context of time. If time travel was possible, we would likely be shocked by the beliefs, customs, mannerisms and language of the times that came before and after us. People can experience this through simple trips overseas. Even those who decide to live in other countries for extended periods of times often experience distinctive loneliness that occurs when you just don’t understand or relate to parts of another person’s culture.
5 Reasons Why Everyone Should Think About The Meaning Of Life.
Have you ever just sat down and thought about life? This is something I personally have grown to value more and more as my life unrolls like a fruit roll-up haha. Thinking about the vastness of life has helped me put things into a healthy perspective. I was recently talking with a friend about certain areas of life that we both were choosing not to think about just because it was easier in that moment than facing our adversity head on. I found this realization to be sad as we both were choosing passivity and a small consistent pain rather than dealing with the issue and eliminating the producer of our agony. I hope you enjoy the following five reasons why everyone should think about the meaning of life.
Men Love Video Games: Who Gives a Shit?
Do you think video games are bad? There is a lot of study on the effect of the quickly developing technology all around us and so far, the jury is out on a lot of it. Part of the trouble of having hindsight 20/20 is that you have to get some years down the road to truly understand what type of effect things like social media, the internet and for the purposes of this article, video games, are having on us, our children and the future of society. Currently, the topic is hotly debated and widely disagreed upon, even among physicians and professors. Men love video games. Does it even matter?