I want to be honest, deep down I like to feel I have the ability to make life-changing decisions which empower me to head in the directions of my dreams. I know when I started to realize the power of my decisions and the influence they had on my life and the people around me there was no turning back, the realization I had that the power of decision making is not biased to race, gender, or social class was a big deal. It helped me decide to make the decision to write this bad-ass article explaining why! HAHA! The following reasons are why I believe you have the power to make life-changing decisions. I hope you choose to read the whole thing. HA!
7 Things That The Modern Man Can Find Meaning In
Who doesn't desire a personal sense of meaning? Have you ever met the average ever day guy who wakes up groggy, showers and dresses for work, spends time in morning traffic, and trudges his way through a corporate job that makes him question the meaning of life. He often wonders what exactly he is building, struggling to find the meaning of manhood in a culture that lacks many of the opportunities and incentives provided to men throughout history. As technology changes, jobs move towards being desk centered, indoors, and for all intents and purposes, hands off. Joe feels like he is dying inside each day. He longs to build something of his own. This can describe the way many men often feel in Western culture. Devoid of a community, isolated in jobs that lacks a sense of deep, personal meaning, and often silenced, many men are working for nothing more than a paycheck. Gone are the days of the Wild West, the homestead, and the communal purpose that men and society in general used to experience. The Industrial Revolution changed the way we work, and men have suffered in many ways ever since. Finding a way to overcome, a purpose for which to work towards, and an obstacle that can be conquered is vital for the happiness and well-being of modern men. Here are seven ways you can find it.
Are You Scared Of Commitment?
It was just another Friday night, and I was headed out to see some friends at a local bar I frequented in previous years which consistently had swing dancing in downtown Kansas City. When I arrived I saw a friend of mine behind the bar and I grabbed his attention. After a basic interaction, we parted ways with, “We should get together again soon.” Both of us agreed with a simple head nod but nothing was set in stone and away I went.
Is Masculinity Inherent or Taught?
The debate surrounding the masculinity crisis is a complex one. It ranges from believing that masculinity is merely a social construct that should be done away with in order to promote a more successful, accepting society, to the belief that masculine behaviors are inherited through genetics, carefully shaped over millions of years of evolution. At it’s core, the question is this: are men born distinct beings quantified by the term “manly,” or are they taught to be masculine? Is masculinity even real, or is it something that we as a society have created?
Why the term "Real Man" needs to go away.
In today’s society marketing has plagued the world with intense trigger words to grab our attention. Since I have spent a decent amount of time focusing on what it means to be a man, I have grown distaste towards one common phrase that I continue to see weaved into numerous articles: “Real Man”. I want to take a moment and parallel this to the “Organic Food” movement. Have you ever thought about how pathetic it is that something has to be marketed as “Organic” or “All Natural”? Shouldn’t the food we eat be assumed to be all natural and good for us? Likewise, I am left contemplating the subject of masculinity and this hot, new terminology. The very idea of “Real Men” implicates that we live in a modern day epidemic where masculinity is so out of touch with its origins that we have to clarify whether something is authentic or not. This is staggering.
Do you think boys should cry?
A hospital room decorated in blue balloons, onesies declaring, “Mama’s Boy,” and adoration from nurses and family members alike: that is a typical welcome scene for a newborn baby boy in the United States. Those first days are often filled with attention, affection, and soothing words for the streams of tears that typify babyhood. In those first days, girls and boys are very much the same. They are free to express pain, fear, and surprise. Parents scramble to learn everything they can to create the most loving, supportive home for their new child. But in the days and years that follow, something changes.
4 Times When You Shouldn't Give Advice.
In my journey of seeking out what the definition of masculinity is, I have observed in the conversations I have had with a multitude of men that when advice is unsolicited it is more offensive than helpful. This realization helped me figure out the times that misplaced advice seemed to be the most unwanted. So here is a list of what I have observed:
Who will fight for the boys of today?
“The inner boy in a messed-up family may keep on being shamed, invaded, disappointed, and paralyzed for years and years. "I am a victim," he says, over and over; and he is. But that very identification with victimhood keeps the soul house open and available for still more invasions. Most American men today do not have enough awakened or living warriors inside to defend their soul houses. And most people, men or women, do not know what genuine outward or inward warriors would look like, or feel like.”
You can't get anywhere without starting somewhere.
I am a man who loves to dream. I have ventured through the thoughts of being a cowboy, a butler, and just floating in outer space for that matter. Thinking about all the places I want to go in life has been the heartbeat of what keeps me motivated as I drudge through the repetitive moments of dullness in my daily grind.
What Braveheart could teach men.
There are a lot of male figures that we can look up to on the big screen. For some, Sylvester Stallone in Rambo is the epitome of masculinity: tough takes shit from no one, and can carry the entire United States government if need be. Others love Liam Neeson in Taken. Outsmarting traffickers, problem-solving in the midst of major crises and general ass kicking in the name of saving the helpless is about as manly as it gets. But there is one figure that has always stuck out as an unbelievably epic male hero in cinematic history. His name is William Wallace.
Embracing The Life Of A Sitcom
I cannot count the number of times I have woken up wondering if I was in an alternate reality? I arose from a deep stupor the other day feeling like I was living out the very thing I had watched in my favorite comedic shows and began to wonder how I had ended up in such a surreal state. It became apparent to me that struggling to find my identity, seeking a significant other, and fumbling through my professional life were all similar symptoms to the classic sitcoms I had spent hours absorbing. Having an ex-contact me and want to get back together along with just recently dating someone who ghosted did not help this television like feeling.
Is Pop Culture Toxic For Masculinity?
Art and media have a deeply reflective attribute. They are able to mirror the attitudes and mindsets of a particular time, while simultaneously moving society towards certain ideas, solidifying stereotypes in our minds and changing the way we view the people around us. The sitcoms, TV ads and dramas of our day have shown the growing confusion surrounding the American man and where he finds himself. And we think of men differently as a result.
5 Ways To Practice Authenticity
If you are anything like me, you crave authenticity. I have spent my whole life with corporations, religions, and government parties attempting to manipulate and draw me into their paradigm so they could dictate me to be one of their faceless minions. They are all great at putting a smile on their faces and telling me what I want to hear. I despise this more than being a child who is being told to go to bed. I want to know the truth and I want myself and the people around me to be authentic. There is a classic Gandhi quote which I like to paraphrase, “Be the change you wish to see”. In response to Gandhi's wisdom, here is a short article with five steps I have taken to be more authentic and I hope you find them insightful.
Will you ever find the perfect job?
We have all seen those lists on the internet, claiming to hold the key to the 35 things that will lead you to true happiness. They include ideas like waking up early and traveling more, taking time to be present and doing yoga. One question comes to mind whenever I read those articles: how truly helpful are these lists and do they hold the key to what leads to a happy life?
Why I Burned My Childhood Dreams
I cannot count the amount of times in my life when I have heard the questions, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” “What are you going to do when you graduate from high school?” As a man in my late twenties I look back and I find these cute questions to be very limiting. They created an anxious expectation that there are decisions I must have figured out early on in life if I am going to be anyone of great significance. Then there is the factor that if one does know the answers to these looming questions early on in life, another set of anxious thoughts would mount up at the idea of not knowing where to even start the process. I can remember being in my early teens and setting internal goals that were completely unrealistic or just plain ridiculous. I find these inner covenants still tugging at the door of my heart. I thought I would share a few for an example: I need to be a millionaire by twenty-two, I need to be married by my mid-twenties, I must never go into debt… I formulated most of these dreams when I was a young teen. Do not misunderstand me, having dreams and aspirations can be a pivotal point for many people, but this does not mean every single internal vision we have for our lives is going to happen or even should. I found myself believing that any dream I had formulated and liked, I must do everything in my power to fulfil. Once the years started to pass and I realized this expectation was unrealistic, I discovered that I should most likely burn these old dreams to make room for new ones to be created in my more cognitive and realistic era of life.
Do Fathers Matter?
Of all the roles men fulfill in society, organizations, and within the family, there is none as vital as fathers. Families are a foundation, a rock bed that can either help you develop into the person you were meant to be, or tare you down, plaguing you with a lifetime of problems that take years to overcome. The world of academia and scholarship has had little to say about fathers for the majority of parental studies done over the years. Today, psychology is seeking to promote an idea that has spread throughout our society: mothers can do it all.
How often do you hear the word no?
There are multiple times in my life that the word no has been spouted very clearly to me.
No! You can’t have that Hot Wheels car. No! You can’t stay up late. No! You can’t have that diesel truck. No! You are not a good person for this job. No! I will not go out with you on a date.
This word is an ever-present reality in my day to day life. It has been a guiding factor in my pursuit of happiness and where I have ended up in life. I would never have gotten where I am today without that gloriously painful, two letter word. Needless to say, I still don't feel as though I have arrived. I am sure this verbal escort will continue to plague me with its presence.
What is the ultimate man?
There is a lot of talk these days about manhood, but few seem confident of what it is. There are hundreds of pages written about manhood on Amazon and half of them are christian….they seem to be the most confused of all, the most unsure. We’re all on a path to manhood, we’re all trying to figure it out. Some are further ahead than others, there are boyish parts that are yet to mature in us, and very manly parts of us that are glorious to behold.
The art of learning from life.
Growing up in the cornfields of southern Minnesota, my brother and I had plenty of time to venture out. We were active boys full of imagination with a decent size world as our stomping ground. In today’s culture, we would have been considered free range children. I spent most of my growing up years in a small town called Rapidan. It consisted of one intersection, two churches, and a bike trail that if you chose to ride its course through the country, five miles later you’d end up in a nearby city which possessed the name Mankato. My brother Judah and I would spend hours and hours going up and down this trail to a nearby train trestle which had been converted for the use of this public trail. Under this bridge, we would attempt to build small dams, catch animals, and carve our names and other things into the side of the sandstone cliffs lining the small riverside. I find that this time of being a boy who managed countless hours of manual labor all in the name of play and fun to be so profound. I learned skills that no classroom ever taught me. The mechanical process of overcoming the many problems we faced is something that has served me well as an electrician. We built small dams, forts, dropped huge rocks off the bridge, and the list of small enjoyable accomplishments just keeps going and going.
Why Veterans Go Back to War.
Tradition has demanded it. Many men have viewed it as the ultimate test of their manhood, others even as their rite of passage. When wars have to be fought, young men go to do it. Honor bound, duty bound, a sacrifice of love for those they hold dearest, or a chance to embark on a dangerous adventure. This is how men have, and in many cases still do view war.