I followed Jesus out of church and into the wilderness/real world.

I want to preface this article by stating two things. My sole intention is to encourage men to pursue their convictions, even in difficulty. I hope to do this by sharing a bit of my own journey. Second, I in no way believe I possess the answers to the massive and complicated situations I am about to mention.

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In the early 1990s some of my earliest memories as a child were within the confines of a traditional Evangelical Covenant Church and to be honest there are some pretty good memories. Playing with other kids, eating classic church potluck food, waging competitive war in ultimate frisbee, and getting my back scratched by my parents during the sermon. The only Sundays as a young dependent that I did not spend worshiping the Christian God seemed to be when on family vacation or puking my guts out at home. Needless to say, missing a Sunday church service was equal to or greater than the end of the world in my young mind. I went to Sunday school, did an AWANA program(kinda like boy-scouts), and was quite involved in youth group. I did it all!

Life continued at a steady, unwavering pace, as it does. I found myself and my journey with Christianity quickly moving out of that ever so comfortable central, Minnesotan bubble. When I graduated from high school I wanted to see for myself if this Bible was all it was talked up to be. Over the next five years I traveled across the U.S. residing in five different states, living out of my suitcase for very long periods of time, and serving under charismatic Christian ministries that were innovative for their time and the closest thing I could find to God tangibly interacting with the human race. I began to wonder about the journey I was on. I will openly admit that there were things that I cannot explain nor am I sure I ever will be able to. One could say I cannot deny God and I would agree with you. That is conversation for another time, however.

The personal pursuit I had for truth had set me up in the middle of nowhere, unsure of what I believed anymore. Traveling had its ups and downs that eventually landed me smack dab in the middle of the country. I landed in Kansas City, MO, working as an electrician, where I still currently call home and make my living. The employment of a normal career that was far outside of the religious world I was immersed in has released me to start diving deeper into books and allowing questions and thoughts to arise that were not morally acceptable in past organizations I had been affiliated with. I started questioning almost everything I believed off the basis of this one statement that had developed in my mind. "If I am afraid my beliefs will not stand up to questioning, then I do not believe they are true. Therefore, I should question everything I believe to find out what I believe is true." This led me to discover that many of the core values I had held in close to my heart were actually cultural assumptions that had no substantial legitimacy. Initially I was devastated. The projection of these principles into the atmosphere of the past organizations I loved and served in, led me to naturally accept them as true. These principles that had shaped my life were merely part of a culture and not an absolute truth.

In my pursuit of Jesus and truth I had come to find that the Christian Culture I had grown up in and associated myself with was simply nothing more than another social club cross-pollinated seamlessly with an ancient Judaic religion. I found that much of the ritualistic obligations that I had once felt so deeply to comply with were nothing more than fragments of a manipulative system trying to conform me into something which I did not even see present in the pages of scripture that was preached from their pulpit. This is where I find myself today.

I am telling you all this because I am on a journey to find truth and authentically live out what I believe. That is one of the many reasons why I started The Man Effect. I want to truly know what it means to be a man, in its most real and raw form. In my pursuit of the unknown, my pilgrimage has led where I did not anticipate, it’s not even on the same planet. You see, in the last five years a significant portion of what I held to be true has drastically changed, even though I was "seeking after" Jesus. My journey has led me away from the church and into a life which some would consider normal with the basic secular grind. I am wrestling with God and my belief of his existence.

So if you find yourself in a life where you are not sure what is true anymore, like I did, then I urge you DO NOT GIVE UP. Get uncomfortable, ask the hard questions, don't run away, don't numb yourself, and fight the good fight of life. I was thinking the other day about how slow a tree grows and the hundreds of good and bad seasons it will go through as it grows into the mighty structure that will eventually stand firm in the earth. I wonder if life is about figuring things out, or rather just existing in the wilderness and not giving up. If everything I once held to be good and true no longer is, then will I be okay? What if aliens do exist (hahahaha!)? What if our government is not out to get us? What if Jesus is not what I was taught? Will I survive the changing seasons or will I just shrivel up and die? I find it so important for myself to face these type of questions and trials. Would you join me on this journey?

I would love to hear your thoughts! Please take time to comment and share!!!!

Cheers,

Timothy

5 Steps To Be More Confident As A Man

Let’s be honest. Everyone under the sun could use a boost in confidence. Women find it attractive. Men crave it. The world in general would benefit if people would just take a little time to intentionally focus on becoming confident. As with anything, though, you need to figure out and decide for yourself what will work best. Here are some general ideas I have learned work best for me.

What did the 60’s teach us about manhood?

The 1960’s saw a major upheaval from the strict and rigid social codes and norms imposed by the 1950’s. America was in the post World War II generation and wanted nothing but a return to normalcy, and this was backed by a booming economy that brought the nation a standard of living the world had never before seen. Everything was black and white, roles were clearly defined, and people . America’s returning GI’s were the good guys who had won against a clear enemy. Men were expected to be providers, career men, fully engaged in the rat race of America while remaining upstanding citizens, fathers and husbands.

Masculinity isn't a product it's a lifestyle.

Inner healing seminars, masculinity conferences, and men’s retreats all claim to have some deeper answer to the masculinity crisis we see in our nation and other nations in the world. Lost youth, increasingly poor performance in school and jobs, loneliness, high suicide rates, and higher risks for addiction and violence have put men on the fronts of newspapers and made them the subject of a number of psychological studies. So these seminars, these conferences, these 48-hour programs seek to dive into the heart of the issue, and arm men for the journey into true manhood.

What ever happened to the Rite of Passage ritual?

Throughout much of history, spanning tribes, cultures and continents, the rite of passage from boyhood into manhood has signified the delineation for men. It marks a separation, a coming of age, a fulfillment of an important role within the greater community. Today, as we see persistent adolescence lasting until men are middle-aged, less and less men marrying and getting out of their parent's homes at the age of twenty-something, and increased gun violence perpetrated by male youth throughout the Western world, the question begs a revisit. Do boys need a rites of passage to help bring them into manhood?

7 Reasons Men Need To Play

All of us have this perception that play is for kids but what we don’t know is that it can be a great source of relaxation as well. Creative play leads to a more mature adulthood and healthy masculinity. Play is not trivial; it’s basic and as important as sleep or food for our health. Games and sports have for a long time been the foundation of civilizations and hence we can rightly say that play is a part of our lineage. Today our society tends to dismiss play as we grow from boys to men. The notion is that playing is unproductive and so we "Grow up" it’s time to be serious. Moreover, with our jobs and family, there’s no time to play. We all play as kids but as we grow up, we miss out on the essence of boyhood. Men need to play and they need to be boys again for so many reasons.

Insecurity the toothless lion.

Insecurities are like a toothless lion to me. I find that insecurity is a common infliction upon humanity. It is a subject that I personally have experience with and that if I were to regurgitate the countless encounters of failing to overcome and victory in the realm of insecurity, you would not want to read it nor do I have the time to write such a lengthy volume. I will share a couple short segments though.

Stop expecting men to be angry.

For the love of all that is good please stop expecting men to be angry. Media is plagued with the image of men who are only allowed to display this singular emotion. The very second men express something like sadness or tenderness they are instantly losing those oh so coveted masculine brownie points. Think of James Bond for example, how often do you seen him display emotions? This might seem direct and a bit narrow minded in thought, but this is a prevailing unspoken law. I have personally been around countless men who are held down by this silent litigation. They seem to react in one of two ways: a display of untamed anger or a flat-line of all their emotions. I want to focus on the former. I want to hone in on the fact that one of the few emotions men are granted to show is anger. Why is this okay? Why is anger acceptable but sadness not? Please do not misinterpret me. There is nothing wrong with anger, but if it is the only emotion allowed there is something dysfunctional brewing. Imagine telling a kid to go to school and graduate from years of education into a well, wholly-educated, scholar when he has only been equipped with the fundamentals of english literature. There are numerous other topics(emotions), that are valuable and necessary to cope with life on a daily basis. Men need emotions. Just like cars need gas, oil, and transmission fluid. If you were to try and drive a car with just gasoline and not the myriad of other fluids that it needs to properly function, you would fail. That is how I perceive men living life today. Men are trying to drive their cars(lives), with just gasoline. Not because they think it will work, but because that is all they have ever been taught. There are basic emotions every man should have on his tool belt: happiness, sadness, tenderness, anger, fear, excitement, just to list a few. I believe it is time for the world of men's emotions to be accepted. If a man cannot feel these basic feelings or, even worse, be allowed to, he truly cannot function at his fullest.

Passive men and how church is making more of them.

I am just going to come out and say it. Going to church on a weekly basis, sitting in a chair and simply listening to someone’s opinions on God has the potential to create passive men. So one could say I believe going to church creates zombie men more often than not. Why should I care? I literally get sick to my stomach with the idea of men just accepting whatever is spewed from a man-made pulpit. I want to see men not just sit passively and listen but rather engage and expand one’s own beliefs! Consistently consuming watered down theology will get you barely two feet into the marathon of life. Don't get me wrong, there is plenty of good that comes from Christianity and there is also a lot to be said about passive women and just humanity in general. Right now, though, I want to talk about men and the church. I want to talk about how the industrialized mindset has and is fracturing the belief structure of men in trusting the professional (pastor, priest) to know absolute truth and wisdom. Men who don't take it upon themselves to actively work out their faith or life are passive. For me, personally, to exist means to struggle, wrestle with, and overcome life, to ask the hard questions and be assertive in my internal world just as much as my external.

Are you emotionally living in your parents basement?

Do you emotionally live in your parent's basement? I found that the emotional aspect of masculinity is something I never really gave much thought to until recent years. Once I started to dive deeper into this realm I came up with this idea/parallel and thought sharing it could be fun. So here you go.

Grit, the lost commodity.

I was having a conversation with a couple colleagues about masculinity recently . It was brought up because I had just interviewed one of them for my project The Man Effect (themaneffect.com). A multitude of topics relating to manhood were covered that night, but one that stuck out to me enough to write about was this one question that was asked:

Christian culture lacks masculinity.

It is in my uneducated opinion that Christian culture lacks masculinity. Every time I interact on some level with a men's group in the Christian milieu it feels like I am watching a small child reaching for a candy jar on a shelf six feet above its head. There is always something off. The non stop agreements to confidentiality. The unwavering amounts of awkward stints in conversation. I cannot express the amount of times I have wanted to scream "WHO GIVES A FUCK!" just for the sheer pleasure of seeing their stunned faces. I want to explain the standard format of these groups just so you have a general understanding. You walk in, sit down and in some capacity, this is what happens in the next couple hours. An activity (icebreaker), worship (sometimes), a presented topic (through a speaker, audio track, or video), then breaking off into small groups is common, and lastly the best part in my opinion is after all that formality you just hang out and talk with the other men. The reason I am bringing these groups up is they are the only source of masculine development the Christian church provides. I will say though, I do not feel anger at the groups I have been apart of, rather it is more a lack of satisfaction and concern that I am trying to express.