Being an electrician who works on residential and commercial real estate, I have had the continuous opportunity to brush shoulders with people who are generally beyond the social class that I grew up in, to say the least. This one man that I have done work for over the years has given me the time of day and every now and then we grab a drink together. So the following is what this millionaire taught me about masculinity.
4 Habits that aren't helping masculinity.
Habits have a strong influence in shaping who we are and how we interact with life. I think of these regular routines as what gives or takes away from the positive or negative character we display in life. Now what one deems as a positive and a negative may vary, but I cannot think of very many men whom I have met that want to be a bad person. We all make mistakes and stupid decisions at points in life, but I know I want to have a positive impact on this world and be a "good" person. The following four habits are things I believe aren't helping masculinity.
Are men who drive trucks more masculine?
"Tim, I just don't see you as a car guy." This statement was vomited at me when I proposed to one of my friends the idea of selling off my jacked up regular cab Silverado. In some respects it is a compliment in another angle it could be taken offensively. I had started contemplating the economic efficiency of this blue metallic beast and was externally processing the prospect of transforming it into a smaller more gas friendly road dweller. The inception of this idea has created a fascinating reaction internally for me and others, more than I had anticipated.
Why did I ask her for her number?
It was another beautiful night of summer league ultimate frisbee coming to a close. My friends and I decided to go to the local fast food joint to get some instant gut rot food to relinquish the appetites we had just created. It was another night I didn't want to end as work was waiting to be faced come dawn, so any delay I could find to stop myself from going home and sleeping was gladly accepted.
Where have all the older men gone?
Have you ever wondered where all the men from the generations before you have gone? When I say gone the reference is to the interaction between the generations. Maybe, though, you are one of those people who despises anything enriched by the aging of time, developed by the unraveling of history, and is experiencing the last chapters of their life.
Have you ever gasped for air?
The struggle of day to day meaning and purpose seems to be a consistent advent in my life. In the southern Minnesotan culture, where golden corn fields were my backyard, all I could dream of was doing something epic or being someone who made a significant difference in the world. As the years rolled by and I watched the sun rest over the golden kernels that feed the milieu we live in, this desire in my life has not diminished. Rather, quite the opposite has occurred. Since I have traversed past my later teens and into my final twenties, nothing has been more apparent to me than the fact that I am still gasping for air, this unseen thing that my innate nature is telling me I need, this imperceptible longing for meaning.
Why men should "grow a pair".
Yup, I said it. My girlfriends and I say it all the time when we talk about guys. Maybe we’re generalizing when we talk about men, but it’s usually in connection to our frustrations with dating. I’ve had many conversations with friends from various backgrounds about how “weak” men are out there or how it can be difficult to find a “manly man.” Some of my friends say they’re looking for “mountain men with beards and flannel shirts.” Others say they want a “masculine man” or one who can “confidently share his feelings.” Still, others look for leadership qualities or “swag”. What is it that we want?
Does managing expectations matter?
I was sitting at one of my favorite places to get brunch here in Kansas City with a man whom I have a profound sense of respect for and as we were sharing a simple conversation over some top shelf breakfast casserole, our conversation ebbed and flowed from professional struggles to how creating and managing expectations is an essential commodity to succeed in life.
How should men be responding to politics?
To be frank, this is a topic I tend to avoid in any conversation, but I thought it was about time I confronted my personal fear and discussed my perspective on how it seems men specifically should respond to the political agendas of their day and age. The reason I am directing my writing towards men is because I fell I can relate to them most. Non-men, I assure you, may or may not relate to what and how I think.
Where would masculinity be without Fathers?
In my personal research of what masculinity is, the utter cultural vagueness and ambiguity annoy the dickens out of me. What it means to be a man has evolved and devolved like an ebb and flow of an ocean as societies and time have come and gone. There does not seem to be a solid definition that the past generations and the present day societies could use as a plumbline of what it means to be a man. I have been pondering this seemingly bottomless pit of a topic for some time now, and I have begun to realize how much each person's view on masculinity was and is being shaped by the father figures in one's life.
9 Great Quotes About Fathers.
The amount of studies and opinions around what role a father plays in an individual life is utterly fascinating. In the reflection of my life, to say that my dad did not play a part in the development of my perspective of what it means to be a man would be a lie. Observing my father's role in my life has provoked me to wonder if my dad did not exist what would my perception of masculinity be. I may write on this later but for now, I hope you enjoy these nine simple picture quotes.
5 Things I Do To Help Me Tackle Hard Decisions.
One thing I have been learning about life as a young man is that I am in a constant squall of decisions that are assaulting my life waiting for me to give them attention. I know my life could be more complicated and challenging, but that does not belittle the magnitude of intensity I feel when faced with life altering decisions I am confronted with on a regular basis. I am confident that the tide of hard decisions will only rise as my life continues, so this is an area of life I constantly try to tackle head on.
I want to be chosen.
The desire to belong and be accepted is an attribute of my life that has always existed. I’ve wanted my older siblings to recognize me as a peer, I’ve wanted my boss to hear my opinion on areas I feel I have valuable input to give, and I’ve wanted society to pick me out from the masses and tell me I am special. I just want to be chosen. I have this innate desire to stick out as an honest, valuable man and have a significant purpose which leaves a positive legacy throughout the generations.
Does medicating to cope with life make you a failure?
I had been traveling the breadth of the U.S. for close to five years, going from non-profit to non-profit volunteering my time in my late teens and early twenties. I got to take part in feeding and clothing the homeless, spending hours practicing ministry to people at the lowest points in their lives, spent a significant amount of time doing manual labor to help build these organizations, and even got to do an after school program for middle-schoolers.
Why Technology Is Redefining Masculinity
More than feminism, progressive politics, or Hollywood, one thing has permanently altered the role of men in society. Take a look at your smartphone or the truck you drive. Single-handedly, technology is redefining what it means to be a man in the modern era. Gender roles, jobs, and the hierarchy of society have all revolved around the place of men as the stronger of the sexes, and women as the child bearers. Within a century, those roles have transformed.
Emotional Prostitution & Craving Affirmation.
It was just another weekday night. My family had just sat down to eat dinner together, and all was well. The salt and pepper were passed around with melodic precision. Conversations were explored, and I could carve another notch in my belt for a successful family dinner. My father was the primary financial provider for us, and my mother stayed at home keeping the house in order and lovingly addressing my siblings and I's daily needs and struggles. When my father got home from work, we would all gather around the standard dining room table and eat the nutritious meal my mother had created with her skilled Minnesotan abilities. Casseroles and hearty meals were what the menu consisted of to say the least. Even though my family was never financially plentiful, my mother always figured out ways to feed us well. It was a regular occasion for all of us to sit around the dinner table every evening and converse over how our day was. The thing for me is that I do not remember any particular event or outbreak of insanity that negatively scarred me from this tradition. Rather in recent times as I have begun to reflect on my person and why I do what I do, I realized that being the youngest of four siblings I have always craved attention. Whether it is emotional or not, I wanted and still want people to acknowledge my existence and uniqueness. In thinking about those longings, I was drawn back to the dinner table where I felt so small and insignificant, where being the youngest attention rarely seemed in my direction.
Men And Gun Culture. Does It Matter?
Why do men love guns? When I write that, I am acutely aware of the fact that not every man owns or loves guns, and that not every woman is a pacifist. But when you look at the few studies that are available, one of them being the Pew Research Survey conducted in 2012, only 12% of women responded saying they owned a gun, while 37% of men did. This is surprising in a number of ways.
3 Things Woodworking Has Taught Me About Life.
Not long ago I was getting ready to move to a new house within the Kansas City limits and on a whim of random inspiration, I decided that I was going to give away and sell all the furniture that I currently had not made myself in my bedroom. The reason for this was I desired to create an atmosphere of immediate need for furniture. Why did I intentionally want this pressure? I knew myself all to well that is why. As the old mechanics say "A squeaky wheel gets fixed."
Masculinity and the battle of never giving up.
I need help. Someone, please swoop in and tell me what to do with my life. I feel powerless. I want to give up. Why is it so hard to live.
These are just a few of the doubts and fears I have had to face on a consistent basis walking through the dimly lit existence people so willingly call life. It has without biased humbled me in respects to believing that the world is just waiting to be conquered by the whim of my sporadic unsolidified motivation. Even though the struggle of failure is real; seeing beyond the immediate pain of my daily monotony, there is a grand scope of strengths and knowledge delving into the depths of my being, uninvited, unseen, and dispersing nutrients for the journey ahead of me.
One subtle encounter that changed my life came from a simple email I received from a man I respect. I had reached out to him because I had just reached a milestone in my project that was exciting to me. He responded with some simple encouragement and then at the very end of the email this line was inserted. "Don’t let up. You are Sisyphus pushing the rock up the mountain every day. Learn to enjoy that grind."
Defining the American Man: Gender Shaming in the Modern Day
Naturally, there are certain aspects of masculinity that are purely cultural. Various masculine traits shift and change over time, differ from society to society and bring honor or shame depending on the country in which you live. In fact, according to most anthropologists, the only consistent male gender roles by definition are men as a protector of territory, family and community, and men as providers. The rest seems to be flexible, changing with the expectations of the culture and time period.