If I was to walk up to a complete stranger and ask them "Do men need authentic friends?" I highly doubt that they would say "No." Yet, how society and the western culture I am a part of yells ever so aggressively the opposite of this hypothetical strangers answer.
What 2016 Taught Me About Masculinity.
Two thousand and sixteen was a year that wanted to be a teacher. It was the older brother who forced me to sit down and taught me things which I did not want to know and what I did want to know. Plenty of people were longing for the year to end and stop taking the precious lives of their beloved celebrities. I was hoping just to make it to the end of the year and could honestly have little emotion towards the lives of popular culture that were fading away. In reflecting back upon the year though I think it has been a subtle teacher for a few issues on masculinity that I believe will be pivotal in my life.
How honest should I be?
My struggle of being honest was brought to the forefront recently when my annual birthday plagued my life without bias. I have never know how to conduct myself when it comes to my loving family and friends wanting to gift me their affirmation and love. If I were honest, I would say please celebrate me and love me, but alas, what usually happens is I shut down emotionally, and am unsure of how to respond with all the attention focused on my existence.
Authenticity. Does it matter?
I like to believe that I am a man of authenticity. There are moments of compromise, but this is something I desire. I long to be known as an authentic man. In reflecting on ay back from when I started this project the, I interviewed myself before anyone else and asked myself the core question of this project "If you were to describe what it means to be a man in one word, what would it be and why?" My answer was authentic as shown in the picture below.
The Compass of Conviction.
Here I presently exist glaring life dead in the eyes wondering how in the hell am I going to make this? How will I live another day without setting myself up for failure in the present and future? It is as though I am taught by my societal upbringing that life should be magnificent and anything less than that, is a failure.
"Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength." >Arnold Schwarzenegger<
I'm a man with a throbbing heart are you?
So there I am, sitting in a movie with my friends having my heart taken on a rollercoaster of emotional manipulation as I am thoroughly enveloped in the visual drama set before my eyes. Will the man fall in love? Will they live through the war? What is the end result going to be? Emotion after emotion is passing through my gut like water going over the ridge of a waterfall. I was doing hard work to not engage my internal world as this movie was prodding at things I didn't want it too. It got me thinking about my desire to love and be loved. To be a man who carries authority and respect. My desire to change the world and feel a sense of validation. Why was this over the top Hollywood production triggering my heart so strongly? Had the producer done an excellent job or was I just sitting on the edge of a tipping point and this happened to push me beyond the point of no return?
Does Masculinity Have Positive Qualities?
Over the past few years of inquiring upon the society around me, reading, and observing life, in general, I do believe there are positive qualities when it comes to masculinity. I have seen, though, an indirect agenda to tear down anything to do with masculinity, which bugs me. I do understand that there have been male chauvinists, bigots, and elitists, but this does not mean all men are this way or that everything to do with masculinity is negative. It is my belief that there are aspects of masculinity that are positive. Yes, humanity overall has these qualities, but I feel that there are certain aspects of this socially constructed gender role that is beneficial to society.
What this election taught me about myself.
I could not wait for November 8th, 2016 to happen. My world was held captive as the mainstream media, and the internet actively vomited unsolicited opinions for years. Even if I did not want to hear what they had to say, it was forced upon me. Years of that got old very quickly.
What Are You Going To Do?
History asks what would you do. Present day asks what are you going to do?
We are constantly in the face of shape-shifting political dilemmas. Yes, this might be the biggest joke of an election to date for the U.S., but I don't care to talk about that. What I want to focus on is the fact that America is doing the same shit it has done for generations over and over again. For example, have you heard or read anything about what's happening with the Standing Rock issue right now? Check the link out to get you started with some idea of what is going on.
3 Simple Resources Every Man Should Utilize.
When I started my journey into wondering what it means to be a man I wish I could have found simple resources to help me along the way. So the following items listed are all things I wish I would have found sooner in my journey. I hope they help you. So here are three simple resources every man should utilize.
Why I want men to join me beyond failure.
There are very few things in life that frustrate and cause me internal pain as much as people not understanding what I am trying to communicate. It makes me feel belittled and unintelligent for some reason, which I find interesting and will probably process later. Anywho, through this avenue of writing, I am constantly misunderstood, and I take that failure upon my normal sized shoulders because I know I can work harder to communicate. It eats at me. I spend hours on these collaborated packages of words and to learn that I have failed to communicate my intentions is a pungent lesson I hate having to learn. It is my desire that my few readers can accurately follow my train of thought. All that to say, my self-perceived consistent failure to accurately communicate does not hold me back, rather it invigorates me to move forward and not give up.
Some Things Men Should Think About Before Doing Online Dating.
In a day and age where online dating is running rampant similar to the black plague in the fourteenth century, I think it is important for men to take a deep breath and cognitively ponder what is going on and if they sincerely want to join in on the chaos.
The following things listed I simply wanted men to think about before the trek of online dating was ensued upon.
3 Ways To Respond To A Hurting Friend
Have you ever broken a bone or known someone who has had to drudge around for weeks on end with an oversized healing mechanism that the doctors like to call a cast? Well, being in a stage of life that's hard is nothing like that. In fact, facing depression, heartbreak, or lack of direction is quite far from that type of cookie-cutter healing process. Sure there are general steps that everyone can take to work through these issues, but at the core, every person is different and has unique needs when it comes to being able to heal.
3 Things A Millionaire Taught Me About Masculinity.
Being an electrician who works on residential and commercial real estate, I have had the continuous opportunity to brush shoulders with people who are generally beyond the social class that I grew up in, to say the least. This one man that I have done work for over the years has given me the time of day and every now and then we grab a drink together. So the following is what this millionaire taught me about masculinity.
4 Habits that aren't helping masculinity.
Habits have a strong influence in shaping who we are and how we interact with life. I think of these regular routines as what gives or takes away from the positive or negative character we display in life. Now what one deems as a positive and a negative may vary, but I cannot think of very many men whom I have met that want to be a bad person. We all make mistakes and stupid decisions at points in life, but I know I want to have a positive impact on this world and be a "good" person. The following four habits are things I believe aren't helping masculinity.
Are men who drive trucks more masculine?
"Tim, I just don't see you as a car guy." This statement was vomited at me when I proposed to one of my friends the idea of selling off my jacked up regular cab Silverado. In some respects it is a compliment in another angle it could be taken offensively. I had started contemplating the economic efficiency of this blue metallic beast and was externally processing the prospect of transforming it into a smaller more gas friendly road dweller. The inception of this idea has created a fascinating reaction internally for me and others, more than I had anticipated.
Why did I ask her for her number?
It was another beautiful night of summer league ultimate frisbee coming to a close. My friends and I decided to go to the local fast food joint to get some instant gut rot food to relinquish the appetites we had just created. It was another night I didn't want to end as work was waiting to be faced come dawn, so any delay I could find to stop myself from going home and sleeping was gladly accepted.
Where have all the older men gone?
Have you ever wondered where all the men from the generations before you have gone? When I say gone the reference is to the interaction between the generations. Maybe, though, you are one of those people who despises anything enriched by the aging of time, developed by the unraveling of history, and is experiencing the last chapters of their life.
Have you ever gasped for air?
The struggle of day to day meaning and purpose seems to be a consistent advent in my life. In the southern Minnesotan culture, where golden corn fields were my backyard, all I could dream of was doing something epic or being someone who made a significant difference in the world. As the years rolled by and I watched the sun rest over the golden kernels that feed the milieu we live in, this desire in my life has not diminished. Rather, quite the opposite has occurred. Since I have traversed past my later teens and into my final twenties, nothing has been more apparent to me than the fact that I am still gasping for air, this unseen thing that my innate nature is telling me I need, this imperceptible longing for meaning.
Why men should "grow a pair".
Yup, I said it. My girlfriends and I say it all the time when we talk about guys. Maybe we’re generalizing when we talk about men, but it’s usually in connection to our frustrations with dating. I’ve had many conversations with friends from various backgrounds about how “weak” men are out there or how it can be difficult to find a “manly man.” Some of my friends say they’re looking for “mountain men with beards and flannel shirts.” Others say they want a “masculine man” or one who can “confidently share his feelings.” Still, others look for leadership qualities or “swag”. What is it that we want?